Amplified Anxiety
General, Support | Rich Wallace | September 26, 2009 at 9:56 PM
We all have stress and have anxiety over unexpected challenges that we may be presented with. When one of our loved ones experience an anxiety attack and are already dealing with the complexities of bipolar disorder, the anxiety attack may be amplified to a level of which is hard to comprehend for their supporters and other acquaintances.
For my wife, glimpses into my own past, prior to meeting her, have been identified as a challenge trigger that we have been presented with. Even with our 11 years of time invested into our relationship and we have grown extremely close, issues left over from her own past and the increasing effects of her bipolar disorder have introduced a new level of concern with increased anxiety attacks. These attacks will generate feelings of inadequacy and a low sense of self-worth, which will spin in her head and come out in an outburst of anger against not only herself, but will have accusatory thoughts mixed in and assume that I am either wishing of having a different life without her, having an affair or asking me to compare those in my past with her to see which is “better”.
In many cases, unfortunately, there is nothing special that can be done to alleviate these feelings experienced by and housed by our loved one, aside from ensuring that they have efficient psychological support from a licensed therapist or counselor. We simply cannot change our pasts and it may seem trivial to many others, but when you consider the feelings and past experiences of another, nothing should be brushed off as trivial if we are to successfully understand and learn how to give proper support to both our loved one and ourselves. When these issues arise at home, my focus immediately shifts to ensuring that my wife understands that she is indeed deeply loved regardless of both of our pasts and to make sure she knows how important she is in not only my life, but in the lives of our children and the rest of our family.
I still play a large role in the field of information technology and many of my friends and even family members are using social media to communicate. I use several different methods to communicate my efforts as a software consultant and also to help get the word out on this site, so these media outlets offer me a productive way to keep in contact with those in my life, however, the negative side of this is that it generates a very intense degree of anxiety for my wife. Not because she doesn’t trust me or my friends, but the bipolar mind is programmed to be very insecure and perceive many social situations with others in my life as a direct threat against her. The disorder will feed on this and multiply her anxiety levels to critical mass and she will lead herself into a cocoon of fear that she is going to lose me, that everybody is against her and nobody wants her to be happy.
This situation will develop some very confusing thoughts for me as her supporter as it is difficult for me to understand why she would allow herself to feel this way. Based on everything that we have both invested into the relationship, the family we have created and the amount of love that is flowing between us, why would she believe that I am out to hurt her, or that people I consider special to me be out to ensure she is not happy? Bipolar disorder is an extremely selfish illness and feeds on its hosts sadness and misery and will create any image possible that will pain the worst possible outcome and keep it there in their mind, for as long as needed. This battle is constant, there is no winner, no loser, only war and the only reinforcements that a supporter can provide is an over abundance of love and assurance that our loved one is not alone and we are not out to hurt them, ever.
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