Supporting a Bipolar Mind

During the infancy stages of bipolar disorder, the first episode is typically considered the worst for the bipolar individual, and as equally as traumatic and confusing to friends and family. Some cases, or types rather, of bipolar disorder, the first one or more episodes will display an extremely erratic set of symptoms that may last for days, weeks, months or even years. Other cases, these episodes will last maybe an hour or two. My wife, in particular, suffers from rapid-cycling which can be the ultimate emotional roller coaster for her and those around her. In order to understand a bit more into what is going on inside a bipolar mind, the most difficult task for a supporter is to stay as connected and patient as possible, while being as close as possible and endure watching some of the intense pain that our loved one will go though, and also manage to take on the emotional shrapnel that will surely be hurled our way.

For the longest time in our relationship, I took just about any outburst that my wife displayed against me as very personal. Some of the statements, insults and physical actions that she would take against me was very painful and I often compared these attacks as direct emotional abuse in its purest form. I would normally sit there and take it until I felt an inch high, because these outbursts seemed very intense and maniacal but also rang out with, what I would accept as truth. Finally, I felt that my role in this marriage and overall relationship was to be the heavy bag that was responsible for taking as much as I can and not complain as, if I did try to fight back, I would get blindsided from other attacks at every angle.

Now, many other individuals would more than likely not be willing to take this much and walk away. Maybe I was too weak at the time to do so, but what stuck in my mind was that I still knew she loved me no matter what she did, or what she said. I could tell, and no it wasn’t an excuse for me to simply hang around as an abused loved one. During the transition of accepting her bipolar mind into the lifestyle, I developed a unique skill with her that allowed me to see right though the bipolar driven attacks and know that her love for me is still genuine, although her disorder hated me for still being there to fight it with her. It takes a strong mind, and a thick skin to support a loved one with bipolar disorder and this role is not for everyone.

There are several key difficult points to be made in this post, and although I can’t share every single strategy in one or two sentences, these are two of the main ones that I can put out there in plain text:

• The bipolar mind may be assisted and drugged into “normalcy” by today’s medicinal tools such as Lithium and Valproic acid but simply introducing such medicine to a bipolar mind is nowhere remotely close to effective treatment. Just making sure your loved one is popping a pill every day is not treatment although this is the most common form accepted by many. By relying on a single capsule of “happy powder”, this is not going to give your loved one effective treatment, nor is it good care.
• Being a non-bipolar supporter, and not being able to experience the true effects of bipolar disorder ourselves, will always give us the disadvantage in helping our bipolar loved ones. Unfortunately, those people that have bipolar are hurting in a way that we supporters will never truly understand unless we also suffer from the same disorder. No amount of books, studying or discussion will ever “show* us what our loved ones are going through, so don’t try to understand and whatever you do, don’t try to pass off to your bipolar loved one that you DO understand.

So how do you support your loved one if there are always going to be hurdles that you will never be able to get over? Love and patience, period. You must be willing to give as much love as possible, and accept even more regardless of how bad a bipolar episode may get. Keep in mind that, you are only being attacked because your loved one is in an immeasurable amount of pain and doesn’t want to go through it alone. You’re not being attacked and suddenly hated, you are being brought along for the ride as to not leave our loved one alone at their worst. This is where the patience comes in; this trip you are being dragged along to may last a few minutes, an hour or days and as an effective supporter, you need to be able to stay on the ride longer than your loved one. If you get off before they do, there’s no telling where they will end up without you.

One of the most confusing aspects that I have picked up from my wife is, I could be doing everything absolutely perfectly to help her though an episode based on her expectations. Yet, she will tell me that I’m the worst individual alive and I’m doing absolutely everything I can to make her life worse. The illness hates us as supporters, and wants us to feel as though we’re useless, which I take as a compliment anymore.

With a passion to reach out and to help others, Rich opens up a direct view into the trials and tribulations that come with managing a bipolar relationship and how to use real-world techniques to aid in stability and support.

Rich Wallace

View all posts by Rich Wallace
Richs website

Before you go, please consider subscribing to TheBipolarSpouse.com's informative newsletter or keep up to date with current posts by using our RSS Feed or subscribe to new posts via email.