Helping the “Normal” to Understand

Mental illnesses and disorders are ill-fated thanks to the stigma painted all over them in the media. Our television shows, movies and Internet favorites have put a spotlight on the ugliness that comes out into the open when the topic of mental health is introduced. The average audience is brainwashed to avoid those that are not “normal” and assume that they will be in constant danger if they ever involve themselves with one that is not considered ‘normal’ as well.

Unfortunately, the natural order of life makes human beings very stubborn to accepting those that are different from their own views of what they consider, normal. This way of thinking between those that do not have mental disorders and those that do, opens a breeding ground of conflict and opens the gaps of communication even further and makes it that much more difficult for those affected with a mental disorder to trust or ask for help from their own loved ones. On the other side of the coin, those that are involved with one that has a mental disorder simply learn to tune-out one that is practically screaming for help as they do not take the time to truly listen to what is going on.

Those that suffer from mental disorders such as anxiety disorders or bipolar disorder see their day to day challenges with the illness as ‘normal’ as this is either the only way they know how to live, or they have accepted and altered their own lives to deal with those challenges. When an individual that does not have an understanding of these disorders witnesses an episode or simply does not want to deal with their loved one’s illness, they only do more harm than good.

Individuals with mental disorders cannot simply, “Snap out of it…”, “Stop worrying….” or “Grow up…”, which is what many ‘normals’ will say to drop responsibility in supporting a loved one. They cannot understand on their own what their loved one is going through and rather than embracing the illness, they let their fear kick in and turn away from someone that they could very easily help if they stopped and listened a bit.

Discussing a mental disorder is not easy for anybody involved but if a successful relationship is going to be set in stone, it is one of those conversations that must be had in order to set guidelines and expectations. One of the expectations to keep in the forefront is that the relationship or one of the individuals involved may not be strong enough to handle the challenges. If this is found to be the case, then the relationship must either be severed or altered enough in a way to keep boundaries intact for the duration of the connection.

All of those involved, whether it be family, friends or other loved ones, must have a solid base or at least be prepared to open their views and expectations. Potential supporters may need to have a mental picture painted for them covering what is going on in the mind of their loved one, which places a lot of responsibility on the individual suffering from the disorder. Both parties need to practice as much understanding and respect as possible in this discussion but the supporting parties MUST be willing to listen and educate themselves on the particular challenges affecting the relationship.

Supporters:
Expect and anticipate some very difficult topics to swallow as the mind of one affected by a mental disorder is complicated and is indeed ‘different’ than what your view of normalcy is in your own life. Listen intently and attempt to piece together what you’ve seen in the past as you hear about the details from your loved one and let it sink in as this will help in understanding the patterns that may be visible when episodes appear. Ask questions, but be respectful and avoid any type of accusatory or demeaning statements as this discussion is very difficult for your loved one to have. With the stigma of mental illnesses, this may be a very vulnerable and/or embarrassing situation for your loved one.

Sufferers:
Take this time to educate your loved ones in the lifestyle of managing the disorder that afflicts your life. Keep in mind that your loved ones can only understand your affliction at whatever level you open up to them. No matter which disorder is presented, your uniqueness will always add variables to the relationships and will make it that more difficult to generalize anything. Patience is key as explaining and educating those about the subtle or obvious challenges the illness brings will not be considered ‘normal’ to your loved ones. This opportunity is critical to ensure that your loved ones may start offering positive steps beside you in managing such difficult challenges with you.

Love and understanding are both the most critical aspects in successfully managing relationships with our afflicted loved ones and supporters. This is not a journey that should be taken alone as there are countless situations where those with such a mental disorder as bipolar are driven to take their own lives in an attempt to ease the pain. Loved ones that are simply willing to walk away or ignore these episodes and potentially lethal signs may not be strong enough to support such a lifestyle and in this case, it may be time for the suffering to find a new support system that is willing to take responsibility for another human life based on love and compassion. As supporters, we must keep in mind that our loved one never asked for these challenges and thrive to be as ‘normal’ as the rest of the world sees the very definition of the word. The pain on both sides is unexplainable, but together, supporters and sufferers can ascend into a new level of love, patience, understanding and finally, peace.

With a passion to reach out and to help others, Rich opens up a direct view into the trials and tribulations that come with managing a bipolar relationship and how to use real-world techniques to aid in stability and support.

Rich Wallace

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