Bipolar Support: Respecting Personal History

One of the key factors to keep in mind when supporting a loved one that suffers from bipolar disorder is to truly monitor their actions and reactions that may be related to their own personal history. Obviously, we may never know another individual’s true history, therefore, when a trigger fires, it may introduce some newly surfaced challenges that have not been dealt with before by the sufferer and may also create some new challenges and opportunities for the supporter(s) that will need to be addressed.

Case in point, I have been with my wife for over 11 years as of this writing and there are still stories and events that have occurred in her life, that I have only heard about recently. When she brings down the wall and opens up to me, I listen as empathetically as I possibly can, soaking up everything she is willing to share as not only does it help her to release these topics, but it helps me in understanding a little more about her and her personal history.

Why personal history is so important in the arsenal of battling such disorders as bipolar is to gain a new line of defense if and when a hidden or repressed memory may resurface and result in a trigger sending our loved one into an unexpected episode. We must take care in respecting such situations that may remind our loved ones of certain events that are ingrained into the subconscious mind.

In the case of an individual that may have been physically abused during their childhood, these negative events may not be brought up in conversation. If we apply such a past onto an individual suffering from bipolar disorder, for example, there may be a number of things that could induce a trigger from their loved one, completely unintentionally.

If the supporter is not aware of such a past in their loved ones lives, and that supporter has never dealt with such a situation themselves, it may not seem to be an issue within the relationship. However, all it may take is the action of a supporter doing such as act as removing a belt at the end of the day to prepare for bed. This action alone, if a belt was used in the abusive past of the sufferer, may indeed remind them of that past, and induce a trigger sending them into an episode.

The two main takeaways I’d like to point out revolve around open communication and respect for our loved ones. Although it would be nice to simply “know” everything about our loved one’s pasts, many times, the most important pieces of the puzzle will never show up, or it may take a very long time for them to be willing to talk about such potentially difficult times. On the other side of the coin, although it may be instinct to try and “force” out some information from our loved one during a rough episode as to figure out the reasoning behind the episode, we must refrain from doing so as it may only make matters worse.

Respect what information our loved one is willing to share and also respect that there may be information they are not yet willing to share. Every individual is unique and may have had some traumatic events occur in their lives and it should be left up to them on if and when such information should be shared. Regardless, as a supporter, just be there for your loved one, listen with an open heart and mind and let them be themselves. Forcing anything will only obstruct the trust that is needed in such a relationship.

With a passion to reach out and to help others, Rich opens up a direct view into the trials and tribulations that come with managing a bipolar relationship and how to use real-world techniques to aid in stability and support.

Rich Wallace

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