Bipolar Disorder: Equal Opportunity Destroyer

When I first heard about bipolar disorder, I truly thought nothing of it and didn’t give a second thought about what it was, if I knew anybody that lived with it or if it would ever touch my life in anyway whatsoever. I was one of the uneducated that did not have an understanding of mental health challenges, nor did I place any respect into such an arena.

During my years prior to meeting my wife, as far as I knew, I didn’t know anybody affected with bipolar disorder…however, after knowing what I do now, the disorder can do a very good job of hiding itself and those affected have learned to suppress as well thanks to stigma and potential embarrassment. Thanks to this stigma which forces those to live this way and hide certain aspects of life, after a new relationship has started, the surprises and unexpected challenges that bipolar disorder can bring to the table can really do some damage if both individuals are simply not prepared.

Since presenting the site, I have been receiving emails from couples that have either been recently introduced to bipolar disorder, or are still struggling with bipolar disorder in their well established relationships. Many of these requests ask some really good, but tough questions that still make me cringe when I think about the challenges my wife and I have dealt with in our own relationship. There are concerns about anger issues, whether their loved one hates them or not when an episode strikes and disbelief when the topic of extra-marital issues is brought up.

When I was first introduced to bipolar disorder myself, I had no idea what to expect, although my wife and I had been living with the disorder since the day we met. Starting out, there were many arguments, fights and situations where I found myself saying that I just didn’t “get it” when the irrationality would kick in. Prior to my own acceptance of every part of my wife, I had the typical, negative belief that she was crazy…and once the diagnosis came around, those feelings, at the time, were justified.

Not to take away from the pain that our loved ones are suffering with; from the outside looking in, the difficulties that bipolar disorder can bring to any individual whether that be a friend, family member, co-worker, spouse or any number of connections can be overwhelming. If and when bipolar disorder decides to make itself known, there is no discrimination based on the type of relationship that can be affected.

• Friendships can be destroyed
• Families can be torn apart
• Careers can be ruined
• Marriage can be dissolved

Friendships that have been built over time seem almost indestructible until bipolar disorder decides to appear in any number of ways. Triggers, episodes or ill-timed stresses during one’s cycle can potentially add so much strain to the friendship, that it can come to a very abrupt ending. Even if there is a full understanding including disclosure of bipolar disorder being a part of the mix, sometimes that new curve ball thrown in during a manic/hypomanic episode will truly test the boundaries of the friendship. On the other side, the depressive side can display such an overwhelming sense of negativity and hopelessness, the wedge only widens in the friendship and potentially ends due to such gloom.

Families which have been known to have the strongest bond among all of the members can take a “divide and conquer” effect. During the early stages of bipolar disorder, and the potential mix of rebellion and other adolescent based challenges brought to the family, the appearance of new cycles and episodes are overly misunderstood. These are either written off as simply bad behavior, or the uneducated are not willing to accept that their loved one is “different” than the rest of the family.

Careers and personal improvement including higher education and progression of responsibilities can induce further stress inviting triggers and new episodes that may not be well received by co-workers and higher ups. Conflicting opinions and differing ideas can add enough stress to where one can potential fire off a trigger which can send them into a state of mind that would push them into the danger zone and make potentially career ending decisions.

Marriage is thought to be the ultimate commitment from one individual to another and based on the vows we offer, nothing is allowed to break that commitment. Unfortunately, the role a spouse plays in a bipolar marriage includes being the first line of defense, and offense when the disorder hits our loved one. Horrible accusations, lashing out and lies are generally hurled at the non-suffering spouse to such a degree where the love in the marriage itself in questioned. If unable to provide that much needed support and understanding, the marriage may crumble under a weak foundation if not built together properly.

Bipolar disorder is not avoidable in the lives of many, unfortunately, many are being affected by the illness today and don’t even know it yet. Worse yet, the ones we love and care about are unable to open up and ask for help because they have learned to be afraid to do so thanks to fact that too many of us have placed labels and fear “them” because our loved ones have an illness that was never asked for in the first place.

With a passion to reach out and to help others, Rich opens up a direct view into the trials and tribulations that come with managing a bipolar relationship and how to use real-world techniques to aid in stability and support.

Rich Wallace

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