The Power of Bipolar Irrationality

Sooner or later, irony hits us all and when it comes to managing a bipolar relationship, just when you think you may have a decent understanding and workable plans to incorporate to handle just about anything…here comes the proverbial curve-ball out of nowhere.

As much as I try to keep my topics and posts here on the site timeless and as applicable to many situations as possible, I felt that I needed to offer an explanation to those following the site as to why I went on a sudden hiatus; while at the same time, offer some insight on a very powerful scenario that many are challenged with while in a bipolar relationship. After all, without real-world experience to offer, what good are my offerings?

Playing the role of the bipolar supporter within such a relationship offers many of its own challenges that require one to make either some difficult decisions, or attempt to help keep stability by allowing some “bending” of expectations that may not typically be quite as flexible. Unfortunately, where there is an attempt to make things easier, there may also be a hidden consequence of others areas becoming much more difficult or even invite new challenges that were never expected.

Although my wife would in some cases label me as, “strict but fair” or “unmovable” in my thinking or life management, even I succumb to letting certain things slide where if in any other situation, I would squash in a heartbeat. Case in point, as loyal visitors and readers may have noticed, the site played a disappearing act for just under a month, without any warning as to its falling off the face of the Earth.

There was a point where the writings shared on the site was reaching an overwhelmingly broad range of attention. The ideas and offerings were expanding out to a level where the site saw on average, 200 new visitors a day, and I was building a stronger feeling of community stemming from those participating in comments, emails and tweets. The dream I had of being able to help others was slowly but surely becoming a true reality.

As bipolar disorder will do, the time to play a horrible mind game against my wife came during what was to be a time of reflection and positivity. When the episode hit, the shock wave that resulted drove me to make the decision to bow out of just about everything I was doing with TheBipolarSpouse.com project. The site came down, Twitter was deleted, Facebook was deactivated and that was the end of everything my wife and I had worked on as it related to the site.

When we talk about those suffering from bipolar disorder, either from being directly afflicted or those sitting on the sidelines, it’s crucial that we respect the fact that this disorder does indeed affect us all. Although the episodes can deliver intense bouts of irrationality, the heat of the moment allows us, all of us, to view the slightest bit of truth and simply run with it, even if that perceived truth is the most irrational point of the entire episode.

As my wife’s supporter, I have identified my own “process” of crisis management that, during the time of making the executive decision, I sometimes end up becoming irrational myself in attempting to attack the situation with a bit of reverse psychology, if you will. My first priority is to essentially do whatever it takes to diffuse the issue as fast as humanly possibly, even if that jeopardizes my own need to be true to myself. I become machine-like and remove my emotions from the situation and focus only on my wife and whatever steps I feel that I need to take to help her find stability.

My traits of being “strict” or “unmovable” also go right out the window and when the heat finally blows over, we’ve both realized that all I’ve truly done is enabled my wife to not only let her own irrationalities to take over, but I also allow them to move me enough to go against my own character…just to feel like I’ve lost the battle myself. Only after I’ve made the drastic decisions to walk away from my own desires and beliefs do I realize what has happened (since my priority was to ensure my wife is comfortable and stable again), and I’m left to lick my own wounds and see the consequences in hind-sight.

All the while, the true…rational thoughts that my wife had the entire time was that the project never actually be affected, although the episode did force her to attack it, and I now work to rebuild the fallen and cracked foundation that we had worked on so hard to build up in the first place. Along with not only the technical and structural rebuilding of the site, I now struggle with rebuilding the integrity and reliability that I had worked on to provide for the site’s loyalists and to those that I am wishing to help.

Twofold, this post is to serve as firstly, an explanation and apology to those that have stuck with me since day one and, also to illustrate that the power of bipolar irrationality can truly break through just about any line of defense. Perhaps another take-away would be to ensure that we, as supporters and sufferers alike, ground our beliefs and think twice before we end up not being true to ourselves.

With a passion to reach out and to help others, Rich opens up a direct view into the trials and tribulations that come with managing a bipolar relationship and how to use real-world techniques to aid in stability and support.

Rich Wallace

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