Success is a Team Based Effort

As with any relationship, if it has any real chance at being successful, both participants must be willing to put forth equal effort into the partnership. Some relationships seem to go for the long haul if only one of the individuals is literally carrying both individuals along, but is this really fair and is there really any true satisfaction to be gained in this type of setup?

Bipolar relationships can feel very much one-sided when the high or low end of the spectrum shifts regardless of how much love and understanding there is to go around. If you’re already involved in such a relationship, experience tells us that during such cycles, much of the loving emotions and affirmations tend to take a bit of a vacation and in most cases, it is the non-bipolar supporter feeling left in the dust. Thanks to the familiar and intense outbursts that may indeed occur during a cycle or episode, tension and confusion can push away any feelings of love and respect, even if it is temporary.

When a bipolar relationship is touched by a potentially damaging episode and there are hurtful actions performed or words thrown about, although I typically advise to not react to these events in a knee-jerk manner and simply run off or walk away, it’s important that the feelings of both individuals, at the time of the blow-up, not be forgotten and simply pushed under the rug. Equally important is not to stew on such issues that may only bring about further damaging topics but…that both individuals are willing to discuss the emotional fallout that occurs during the episode once stability returns to the relationship.

Based on my own experiences, it is all too easy to simply attempt to move forward in our days after stability returns from an ugly episode and just try to ignore some of the issues that came up during that episode. We may simply “blame” the disorder and shrug off anything that may have caused some real emotional pain to either one of us, but…again, it’s easier to just move on and not say a word. Does this sound familiar?

Rebuilding is a key phase in managing a bipolar relationship as experienced folks can vouch for. We know that there is going to be rough patches ahead and sometimes we can even plan for them. What we can’t truly plan for is what happens during the rough patch and how much real damage there is going to be if the times are hard enough. I often describe to my own wife that I feel like I am the trainer holding a punching bag, but the boxer keeps missing the bag and I end up getting hit in the process.

As to ensure that we both give ourselves time to heal and rebuild, we will set aside some dedicated time for just the two of us to talk it out and share our true feelings about the recent episode. In many cases, rage and intense anger can indeed show themselves as the dominant emotions and in some cases, brutal honesty can accompany these emotions and some very painful words may be exchanged. On one side, we can take these realizations and learn from them in order to strengthen our overall relationship. On the other side, if hidden truths have come to light, there are even stronger calls for educating ourselves and truly thinking about where the relationship is and where it needs to go in order to stay online with success.

Communication will always be my main priority when it comes to managing my own bipolar relationship and also when offering advice to others. Sometimes, we must go outside of our comfort zones and dig into some fierce conversations in order to maintain expectations and also to know when we need to make certain changes that should offer growth for us down the line. By keeping these emotions bottled up and not laying them out on the table, we can never expect our partners to just know what the expectations are and how such challenges can cause potentially irreversible damage.

How do you manage your post-episode rebuilding process? How do you ensure that both you and your partner are not feeling like the only participant?

With a passion to reach out and to help others, Rich opens up a direct view into the trials and tribulations that come with managing a bipolar relationship and how to use real-world techniques to aid in stability and support.

Rich Wallace

View all posts by Rich Wallace
Richs website

Before you go, please consider subscribing to TheBipolarSpouse.com's informative newsletter or keep up to date with current posts by using our RSS Feed or subscribe to new posts via email.