The Little Things Make the Biggest Differences

We can blame such media outlets as film, theater or the small screen in our living rooms on how it seems to require elaborate and sometimes, obnoxious displays of affection in order to let our loved ones know how we feel about them. We are wired by some of these scripted shows that a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates will always smooth out a forgotten birthday or a missed anniversary. When these don’t seem to work, we see the actors on the screen go to elaborate means including renting billboards, banner equipped airplanes and even huge sports arena monitors in order to flash up a blinding presentation of, “I’m Sorry!!” or “I Love You!!”

After all of the gratuitous chuckles and and forgiveness has occurred, what is the moral of the story? Should we truly walk around with the expectation of having to simply blow away our loved one, and anybody else within a five mile radius, just to let them know how much they mean to us? When we run with an attempt to be romantic, are we going to constantly compete with the likes of Casanova and Cary Grant?

The good news…not at all.

Granted, I wouldn’t mind having the Fabio-esque physique and the Yanni-ish ability to write music to make my wife melt, but at the end of the day, I have something that they don’t…her trust and her heart. Take that, Yanni.

We all have the ability to truly offer our loved ones the greatest display of affection ever known, and that is simply to just “be there”. The little things that we can do are the ones that really stick and what adds to the stability of our relationships. This especially holds true to bipolar relationships as when instability does hit, it really does not take nearly as much effort as we’d like to think in order to help our loved ones. We don’t need to go overboard and lock down the house, notify the neighbors or anything like that. We, as supporters, just need to be there and to let our loved ones know that we are there.

I will never claim to be a romantic; a romantic evening to me is hanging out in the living room watching a movie with my wife and slurping down a bowl of ice cream with her. Here are some other “little” things that I do to let her know that I’m there and that all is good for us:

• Smileys in IM
  Even if my wife is experiencing an exhaustive low or a bone jarring hypomanic phase, when she gets on the computer and let’s me know that she’s on, all I need to do is fire over a quick smiley with a Good Morning and that alone puts a smile on her face.
• Smileys in Real Life
  Should go without saying, but if things are going all that well, once I fire off a calming smile to let her know we’re not really in a very bad place at all, I can almost see her transform completely into a calmer mood herself.
• Pick Up Around the House
  Yes, this truly does it too…my wife is in line for the crown of Queen of Clean and if there is anything lying around the house that doesn’t belong, it can actually become a trigger for us. Granted, I’m nowhere near running for the King of Clean, but if I can tell that she is about to slip, I’m ready to at least go for the Duke of Dust Bunnies.
• Make Dinner
  Again, I understand the whole expectation helping to share the workload, I do…but my wife is very much into being the worker of the family inside the home. Although I could indeed to better at showing more appreciation, this is just her expectation of herself and there are many times where even if I try to help, I’m batted away and told to go play or blog…just anything to get our of her way. But, there are those times in the relationship where she can’t get herself going enough to do much of anything, so this is when I’ll step in and make dinner. The makers of Mac and Cheese and the local pizza place loves it when it’s my turn to cook.

It’s important that we not forget to apply those daily affirmations within our relationships, we don’t need to plan out the next big event or spectacle just to say, “I Love You”, or to show appreciation and support. Although in a bipolar relationship, we learn that it is the little things that can hurt…it’s also the little things that can heal as well.

With a passion to reach out and to help others, Rich opens up a direct view into the trials and tribulations that come with managing a bipolar relationship and how to use real-world techniques to aid in stability and support.

Rich Wallace

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