Being There When Nobody Else Is

There are many challenges that come along with a bipolar relationship including the unfortunate result of those afflicted with the disorder finding it difficult to build or maintain an effective support system.  There are people that are strong enough to offer enough support but choose not to understand why someone with bipolar disorder runs into issues that may not seem “normal” and are scared off, or there are others that are simply unwilling to put forth the effort to provide a little compassion to another human being when times get tough.

I’ve witnessed first hand, how my wife’s affliction with bipolar disorder can make others become extremely cautious or simply ignore her altogether under the impression that she’s not normal enough to receive their support, compassion and friendship.  Not only that, we have experienced such challenges where even family members choose to attack and abandon her over a condition that she never asked for and although she is ashamed of dealing with the disorder, seeks to improve her own life and receive as much help as possible.

As I’ve experienced myself, it’s much easier to pass judgment, label another individual and walk away from such a challenge as accepting a mental disorder in one’s life than it is to move away from the stigma and conditioning that society goes through telling us that those that are not “normal like us”, are a lost cause and are nothing but trouble.  Due to such a mentality, those suffering and being abandoned, even if screaming out for help, are all too easily written off and left to fend for themselves without a reliable net to fall into when needed.

Something ugly happens when someone is abandoned or rejected over and over again…they get used to it and soon, learn to expect nothing else.  When it comes to the hardships that bipolar driven episodes and high or lows can being to the table for those dealing with them, loneliness becomes a person’s worst enemy and can also introduce some very dangerous opportunities.  Those feelings of rejection and being “outcast” can start to be rehashed and intensified resulting in damaging results to one’s self-esteem and self-worth.

From the supporter’s perspective, these types of issues can take a major toll on the emotional side of life as due in part to assisting in managing the triggers, outbursts, episodes and unexpected shifts in cycles seems to be solely aimed at the supporter, and the responsibility of being the lone one there for our loved ones can also become extremely difficult.  Although the last thing we want to advertise is that our loved one is a burden to us, the task of being the lone supporter can bring on its own challenges and confusions.

Being my wife’s sole supporter means that when the hardships hit, she only has one immediate path to support, outside of calling her therapist, psychiatrist or the local hospital.  Unfortunately, since I work outside of the home and I’m not exactly a stone’s throw away from the house, there is always going to be a critical patch of time where she is alone between the time she calls me for help and when I walk through the front door.  Also from the supporting side of the fence, this adds even more stress to know that it is not an option for someone else to go to the plate when an emergency hits.

The commitment I’ve offered to my wife is to be there for her through thick and thin and in sickness and in health and I take my role and responsibilities to her extremely seriously.  True, I am not a machine and eventually, the battles can indeed wear me out at times but it is during those times that I must keep in mind that whatever I am going through, the duress that she is going through is only multiplied, ten-fold.  When it comes to love, whether we are talking about family love, spousal love or love for a friend, being there is the most important task we can perform for those counting on us because, as unfortunate as it is, too many others choose to be somewhere else.

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