Comments on: Being There When Nobody Else Is http://thebipolarspouse.com/2010/01/04/being-there-when-nobody-else-is/ Fri, 30 Jul 2010 16:33:27 -0700 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Rich Wallace http://thebipolarspouse.com/2010/01/04/being-there-when-nobody-else-is/comment-page-1/#comment-665 Rich Wallace Thu, 25 Mar 2010 17:14:33 +0000 http://thebipolarspouse.com/?p=920#comment-665 Hi, desperate and thank you for taking the time to share your story with us. You situation is indeed challenging and the first hint of advice I would consider is that your boyfriend consider seeking help with a psychiatrist to obtain proper diagnosis. Regardless of that, if the two of you are indeed still willing to work on the relationship, it may not be a bad idea to see a therapist together if that is an option. Some of the physical encounters concern me especially since there is a young child involved. In this case, I would also suggest that you keep the safety of the little one as the main priority over the relationship between you and your boyfriend. Keep talking with your therapist and don't hold back as you will only cheat yourself on treatment. The break may be a good thing while you work through your own thoughts and feelings. Ultimately, if he is not willing to "fix" what is broken between the two of you, you simply cannot run the relationship from both ends all by yourself. Meaning, if he is willing to end it without a fight, then you may need to let go as well and take care of your child and yourself. Thanks again for posting and I wish you all the best. -Rich Hi, desperate and thank you for taking the time to share your story with us.

You situation is indeed challenging and the first hint of advice I would consider is that your boyfriend consider seeking help with a psychiatrist to obtain proper diagnosis. Regardless of that, if the two of you are indeed still willing to work on the relationship, it may not be a bad idea to see a therapist together if that is an option.

Some of the physical encounters concern me especially since there is a young child involved. In this case, I would also suggest that you keep the safety of the little one as the main priority over the relationship between you and your boyfriend.

Keep talking with your therapist and don't hold back as you will only cheat yourself on treatment. The break may be a good thing while you work through your own thoughts and feelings. Ultimately, if he is not willing to "fix" what is broken between the two of you, you simply cannot run the relationship from both ends all by yourself. Meaning, if he is willing to end it without a fight, then you may need to let go as well and take care of your child and yourself.

Thanks again for posting and I wish you all the best.
-Rich

]]> By: desprate http://thebipolarspouse.com/2010/01/04/being-there-when-nobody-else-is/comment-page-1/#comment-664 desprate Thu, 25 Mar 2010 16:11:17 +0000 http://thebipolarspouse.com/?p=920#comment-664 Hi, so im new to this community. And i guess its given me some really good advice. My boyfriend of 3 years is AD/HD and is being treated..and often exhibits symptoms VERY similar to bi-polar, i sometimes wonder if hes being misdiagnosed. being young (i was 19 when we met) and being clueless basically threw me into the hell-ride of my life. Well, now we have a 16 month old daughter, and as much as i hate the things he's done to me, i love him to death.... Trust me when i say the symptoms are clear and i know what im talking about. Before i knew anything was even wrong with him i blamed him, and we had those crazy run around scream arguments that dont make any sense almost constantly. I could never win, and i thought so much that he was just being an asshole, so i treated him like one. All that got me was the position of the unloving girlfriend that only wanted to make his life worse. If i ever got to the point i couldn't take it anymore it was always completely my fault for walking out on him when he was weak. That was before i totally realized something was very wrong. Ive been spit on, slapped, shoved, held down, and backed into corners more time than i care to remember. Growing up with a deaf mother taught me young to accept people for who they are and to deal with their flaws. So i guess in a way this prepared me to deal with the imperfect, and taught me not to run from pain, when maybe there were times i should have. His parents taught him to hide his disease, and i didn't find out all the shame he went through during school and growing up until over a year into our relationship. I wish i would of known what i know now when i first met him, because i would of known how to deal with his illness. Being the young pregnant woman that was constantly in a brawl with her babys father taught me to hide my feelings from him, and share them with everyone but him. BIG MISTAKE... as im sure most of you know. This only made him think i wanted to run him down and ruin him. Ive been called every name in the book, and accused of being a cheater and a 2-faced you know what a lot, and its to the point that even though we both love each other, in some part of his mind thats who ill always be. I guess my question is that I think there is to much pain in our past for either of us to continue fighting for something that might be completely moot. I have to see a therapist now because im so depressed and confused, i have no where to turn anymore. we're taking a break right now, because he says my constant nagging him to get his life under control has led him to insanity and he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, this isn't the first time this has happened. His life is in a lot of ways out of control, Hes smoking marijuana which im sure is making his condition a lot worse because of added paranoia, and he keeps spiraling in and out of trouble. One second he's as sweet as can be, the next he hates me. I would use examples and get more into this, but for the sake of keeping this somewhat short i wont. When is enough, enough? Ive given him so many chances, put myself in complete debt to support him when he wasn't working....i feel like ive held my ground as long as any woman should allowed to tolerate. opinions, advice? Hi, so im new to this community. And i guess its given me some really good advice. My boyfriend of 3 years is AD/HD and is being treated..and often exhibits symptoms VERY similar to bi-polar, i sometimes wonder if hes being misdiagnosed. being young (i was 19 when we met) and being clueless basically threw me into the hell-ride of my life. Well, now we have a 16 month old daughter, and as much as i hate the things he's done to me, i love him to death…. Trust me when i say the symptoms are clear and i know what im talking about. Before i knew anything was even wrong with him i blamed him, and we had those crazy run around scream arguments that dont make any sense almost constantly. I could never win, and i thought so much that he was just being an asshole, so i treated him like one. All that got me was the position of the unloving girlfriend that only wanted to make his life worse. If i ever got to the point i couldn't take it anymore it was always completely my fault for walking out on him when he was weak. That was before i totally realized something was very wrong. Ive been spit on, slapped, shoved, held down, and backed into corners more time than i care to remember. Growing up with a deaf mother taught me young to accept people for who they are and to deal with their flaws. So i guess in a way this prepared me to deal with the imperfect, and taught me not to run from pain, when maybe there were times i should have. His parents taught him to hide his disease, and i didn't find out all the shame he went through during school and growing up until over a year into our relationship. I wish i would of known what i know now when i first met him, because i would of known how to deal with his illness. Being the young pregnant woman that was constantly in a brawl with her babys father taught me to hide my feelings from him, and share them with everyone but him. BIG MISTAKE… as im sure most of you know. This only made him think i wanted to run him down and ruin him. Ive been called every name in the book, and accused of being a cheater and a 2-faced you know what a lot, and its to the point that even though we both love each other, in some part of his mind thats who ill always be. I guess my question is that I think there is to much pain in our past for either of us to continue fighting for something that might be completely moot. I have to see a therapist now because im so depressed and confused, i have no where to turn anymore. we're taking a break right now, because he says my constant nagging him to get his life under control has led him to insanity and he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, this isn't the first time this has happened. His life is in a lot of ways out of control, Hes smoking marijuana which im sure is making his condition a lot worse because of added paranoia, and he keeps spiraling in and out of trouble. One second he's as sweet as can be, the next he hates me. I would use examples and get more into this, but for the sake of keeping this somewhat short i wont. When is enough, enough? Ive given him so many chances, put myself in complete debt to support him when he wasn't working….i feel like ive held my ground as long as any woman should allowed to tolerate. opinions, advice?

]]> By: Rich Wallace http://thebipolarspouse.com/2010/01/04/being-there-when-nobody-else-is/comment-page-1/#comment-358 Rich Wallace Sat, 06 Feb 2010 03:23:54 +0000 http://thebipolarspouse.com/?p=920#comment-358 Thank you, Dandelion...it is unfortunate that our loved ones are in many cases, left to fend for themselves by those that are unwilling to put forth such efforts and to just, 'be there'. It is difficult to be the martyr, but it does make a world of difference for the ones needing that support. Thank you, Dandelion…it is unfortunate that our loved ones are in many cases, left to fend for themselves by those that are unwilling to put forth such efforts and to just, 'be there'. It is difficult to be the martyr, but it does make a world of difference for the ones needing that support.

]]> By: dandelion http://thebipolarspouse.com/2010/01/04/being-there-when-nobody-else-is/comment-page-1/#comment-349 dandelion Tue, 02 Feb 2010 19:18:37 +0000 http://thebipolarspouse.com/?p=920#comment-349 Thank you for writing this, Rich. You're completely right. I am my husband's sole supporter as well and it's terribly hard at times to have nobody else to rely on. Believe me, I know how difficult it can be to be around my husband when he's having a mood swing, but it makes it even harder to know that nobody else is willing to offer love and support to someone who didn't chose this illness. Thank you for writing this, Rich. You're completely right. I am my husband's sole supporter as well and it's terribly hard at times to have nobody else to rely on. Believe me, I know how difficult it can be to be around my husband when he's having a mood swing, but it makes it even harder to know that nobody else is willing to offer love and support to someone who didn't chose this illness.

]]> By: RichWallace http://thebipolarspouse.com/2010/01/04/being-there-when-nobody-else-is/comment-page-1/#comment-268 RichWallace Tue, 19 Jan 2010 14:48:05 +0000 http://thebipolarspouse.com/?p=920#comment-268 Hi Sheri! How you cope with crisis is up to you, as long as it works and isn't a dangerous route. Unfortunately, I do know all too well about the desire to run into isolation as that is what my own wife does when times get rough. Hopefully all ends up well either way and maybe, when you're ready of course, you may start to open up a bit to your friend and solidify that branch of support for yourself. Take care and thanks again for sharing! Hi Sheri! How you cope with crisis is up to you, as long as it works and isn't a dangerous route. Unfortunately, I do know all too well about the desire to run into isolation as that is what my own wife does when times get rough. Hopefully all ends up well either way and maybe, when you're ready of course, you may start to open up a bit to your friend and solidify that branch of support for yourself. Take care and thanks again for sharing!

]]> By: Sheri http://thebipolarspouse.com/2010/01/04/being-there-when-nobody-else-is/comment-page-1/#comment-265 Sheri Tue, 19 Jan 2010 13:27:53 +0000 http://thebipolarspouse.com/?p=920#comment-265 You are so right about the need for support. I have a friend I can talk to sometimes, but for the most part it's either my therapist or I'm on my own. Although the reason I can't always talk to my friend is that I tend to isolate when I'm in crisis. I know that's not a good thing, but it's the only way I know how to cope. You are so right about the need for support. I have a friend I can talk to sometimes, but for the most part it's either my therapist or I'm on my own. Although the reason I can't always talk to my friend is that I tend to isolate when I'm in crisis. I know that's not a good thing, but it's the only way I know how to cope.

]]> By: Rich Wallace http://thebipolarspouse.com/2010/01/04/being-there-when-nobody-else-is/comment-page-1/#comment-819 Rich Wallace Tue, 05 Jan 2010 00:36:17 +0000 http://thebipolarspouse.com/?p=920#comment-819 <span class="topsy_trackback_comment"><span class="topsy_twitter_username"><span class="topsy_trackback_content">New Post: Being There When Nobody Else Is http://tinyurl.com/ycv7g5z #bipolar (Also, please follow @thebpspouse for updates)</span></span> New Post: Being There When Nobody Else Is http://tinyurl.com/ycv7g5z #bipolar (Also, please follow @thebpspouse for updates)

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