Empathic Listening and Honest Feedback
Bipolar, Support | Rich Wallace | January 28, 2010 at 8:33 AM
While perusing the blogs and catching up on Twitter this morning, I came across David Oliver’s site again, which I’ve looked over a few times in the past and truly appreciate his offerings. One of his recent posts covers the importance of not only maintaining open and honest communication with the relationship, but also how the role of a supporter includes offering a solid foundation to bounce ideas off of.
While building and maintaining trust and strong communication within the relationship, we must place ourselves (the supporters) into a position where our loved ones can find true comfort in relaying their feelings and thoughts with us when it is most needed. David, which I agree with wholeheartedly, pushes that we must be well in tune with our loved ones to *know* when they are going through a bipolar related challenge, or if they are simply having a bad day. Too many times, people will just assume that when one is living with bipolar disorder, that they are not allowed to have a bad day here and there and every issue is related to the disorder.
Honesty and open communication goes both ways in any relationship, and I’ve pushed that many times here on TheBipolarSpouse.com not as a way to just remind people of using common sense, as most know how important communication is. However, at the same time, we do need to be reminded that even the small things can make a world of difference, and as difficult as it may be to manage a bipolar relationship, even the most basic tools of being open and honest can be forgotten at the most inopportune times.
Unfortunately, the stigma that comes with bipolar disorder will oftentimes ’scare’ our loved ones into really opening up whether that be due to a fear of being labeled as crazy, others not offering a respectable chance to be themselves or being threatened with time in the hospital if the episode, or non-bipolar related issue is even brought to light. As our loved one’s supporter, it is indeed our job to instill that feeling of trust in the relationship so that when issues do arise, they know that they can talk and open up to us without repercussions or judging assumptions.
Although I haven’t gone through the entire site, just about any article I have read from David contains intense value and useful information. I highly recommend that you add his “Bipolar Supporter Blog” to your bookmarks and resources.
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Hi Rich, thanks for the link. I, too, think that communication is very important and I try my best to make my guy understand that he can trust me and I won’t think less of him if he opens up by being honest with me. He did express his fear that I might leave him if he shares with me what is going on with him.
It is great that he tells me things and shares with me his past. I want to let him that it is safe for him to do so and that I truly care for him. So far, we are doing very well.
I’m going to David Oliver’s site. Thank you again!
Awesome to hear, Alice! Communication and listening sometimes seems, "too basic", but based on some of the stress we may encounter, we can forget such basic tools that we have at our disposal. The stigma of any mental health issue does place a level of fear or anxiety on our loved ones to where they may hide their own true feelings as to not be labeled, or not feel that they are "crazy". Instill that trust into you partner so that he truly knows and feels that he can indeed keep the lines open with you at anytime without fear of judgment.