Facing Our Darkest Hour

At one time or another, in most any relationship, we hit such a large bump in the road that we wonder if we may ever be able to recover from the jolt. Those that have been involved in the bipolar community and especially those within a bipolar relationship, can appreciate some of the most common challenges that may arise can cause detrimental damage.

Those with strong will and determination can often muster up enough hidden strength to get though just about any challenge, no matter how painful or saddening the outcome of those challenges are. Some relationships end the second there is a hint at difficulty, others fade away when the trust and sanctity of the relationship is touched by infidelity or other extreme cases.

Regular readers of the site here may have noticed that my writing activity has decreased considerably over the past few weeks. After much focus and healing time, I decided it was time to come back to my passion of writing and share some of the most difficult aspects that have occurred recently in order to fulfill my wish to help and inform others. Although the past few weeks has been the most difficult time of my life as it pertains to my relationship, it has been indeed an eye-opening experience and the most I learn, the more value I can provide to others.

The Downward Spiral
Our relationship roller coaster started to hit an unexpected corkscrew when my wife had decided to attempt to reach out to her sisters, after not speaking to them for over two years. Although for some time I had supported the idea of her reconnecting and hopefully resolving the past challenges they had all had among each other, I was skeptical as the anger she still carried during those two years had resurfaced the moment her opportunity for contact with them came about.

Overall, there was an increasing amount of rage and anger that had been growing inside of her for the past few months, but aside from some difficult days and slight depression, it wasn’t anything critical and she was still very functional. The day after she met with her sisters, her well-being had taken a pretty rough turn and felt betrayed although she had hope that things could change for the better. She swore them off again and mentioned that she didn’t want them back in her life and told me that she didn’t want the kids involved whatsoever based on the outcome of their meeting. I supported her decision and we pretty much left it at that.

The next day, I came home from work and all of the kids were home except for my oldest. My wife was sitting in the den playing on the computer and I finally asked where our daughter was, and she responded that she was with one of her sisters. Based on what she had told me the previous night, my understanding was that she didn’t want the kids involved whatsoever and that was the end of the sister opportunity. I got upset as it seems that she decided to change her mind without informing me and after her report on her meeting with her sisters and some of the things they told my wife, I was really not all that supportive of the reintegration either.

I voiced my frustration with how my wife handled this by not keeping me in the loop as these are my children as well, and unfortunately, the anger and rage that my wife had been fighting recently decided to come out at this time. We ended up engaging in a verbal argument and although I am not going to say that I was the perfect angel, my wife did end up losing control and physically attacked me in front of the other three children. My son was affected most of all and all I could see was him screaming, sitting on the couch in a fetal position yelling at my wife to stop hitting me. She finally stopped and drove off to her sister’s to get our daughter.

As I consoled the children, she came with back our oldest daughter, whom of which was already visibly shaken up. We ended up calling it an early night and finally got everybody calmed down enough to relax and go to bed.

The next day, I went to work early only to leave early to go talk to my father as to gain some perspective from him. I stayed there for a few hours and decided to try to get home about the same time the kids got home from school in case my wife was still out of sorts. I got home soon after the children did and could tell that my wife was still very upset and she was not stable enough to have a civilized conversation just yet. We both traded comments back and forth and although it wasn’t the best way for me to handle it, I am still human as well and my feelings can indeed be hurt.

I went outside to watch the kids play with their roller skates in the driveway and my wife decided to make some appearances outside with us, but again, the rage was still boiling and there were no pleasant interactions at all. I went back inside as I had received a phone call from a client and finished that up in the den. My wife was still angry and the comments were still going back and forth and I finally had enough and told her that I was done with everything and that it wasn’t healthy and I wasn’t happy whatsoever in her ways of attacking me emotionally and physically as this wasn’t the only time it had happened.

When I told her this and as angry as I had become, she essentially lost it all over again and while screaming at the top of her lungs, (I can’t even say what she was saying at the time) she threw her cell phone directly at my chest, which connected in the sternum and then lunged at me, screaming, kicking, pushing and slapping me. I did manage to stop her at one point and warned her that if she did not stop and calm down, I was going to call the police.

After I said this, she did indeed attack again and after several smacks on the arms and my back, I grabbed my phone and went to the bedroom calling 911. As I closed and locked the bedroom door, she picked up and threw our dog’s cage at me while still yelling.

After about ten minutes on the phone with dispatch, the police showed up and instructed me to come out of the bedroom. My wife was still very visibly upset, verbally fighting with the police as they instructed her to calm down and told me to wrangle up the kids and put them in their room for a bit. I informed dispatch that my wife suffered from bipolar disorder and was going though a major hypomanic episode; which the on-site officers asked her if she was on her meds to make sure that was not an issue.

After taking me to the den and viewing the results of the physical attack from the marks on my back, they instructed me that they needed to arrest her and take her to jail for the evening. Again, I got the kids out of sight as they removed my wife from the home and they placed the handcuffs on her and took her in. It took me about an hour to collect myself after my father showed up to help out with the kids as I was in no condition to take care of all four at the time. We talked for a bit before going to his house so the kids could stay over for the night and I ended up going back home to be alone and think. I was not aware of what my wife was going through and also wanted to be close to home in case she was released or was allowed to keep in contact with me.

She did spend the night in jail and I had hoped that this was going to be a true eye opener for her on how the results of the recent decisions would affect not only herself, but the kids and those around her.

With a passion to reach out and to help others, Rich opens up a direct view into the trials and tribulations that come with managing a bipolar relationship and how to use real-world techniques to aid in stability and support.

Rich Wallace

View all posts by Rich Wallace
Richs website

Before you go, please consider subscribing to TheBipolarSpouse.com's informative newsletter or keep up to date with current posts by using our RSS Feed or subscribe to new posts via email.