I’ll jump right into the message I have for this post…I will never understand Bipolar Disorder from the perspective of one dealing with the condition on a daily basis.  As much as I wish I could get that small bit of insight in order to truly understand some of the challenges my wife goes through, this limitation will always be with me.  To this day, I don’t understand it.

However, that does not prevent me from working on myself in such a way where I can cope with not only watching the inner battles that go on within our relationship, but also to know how to react when the tough times stop in for a visit.

Hindsight Truly is 20/20
If I could start all over again with this blog, the entire paradigm would be different.  The name of the site would be different, the domain would be different and my message would probably sway just a little bit.  Let me explain:

• My wife is NOT Bipolar; she LIVES WITH Bipolar Disorder
• One does not “be” Bipolar, nor is their identity equal to Bipolar
• Having a mood disorder does not define an individual
• Bad Days do not translate to being Mentally Ill

I’ve been all over the Internet studying, researching and “listening” to others touched by Bipolar Disorder either directly or indirectly, such as others in my situation as a supporter.  Again, I am the spouse of a loving woman that lives with Bipolar Disorder, I am not a spouse of a Bipolar woman that loves me.  Unfortunately, too many people put the disorder before the individual and I’ve grown sick of this pattern.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m just as guilty as many others and for years, I turned a blind eye to the pain my wife has endured.  Why?  Because I don’t understand.  When mood shifts came around, they scared me to death because…I don’t understand.  When I watch my wife shift from laughing and laying the one-liners on me to sadness and frustration…I don’t understand.

No Matter How Deep I Fall into the Rabbit Hole, I’ll Never Understand
Understanding is not my job, nor is it the expectation that my wife has on me and I’m asking my readers to not expect me to understand.  My desire to simply to help, to be there, to let my wife know that she’s not alone and to let you know that I don’t understand, but I sympathize.

I can see the mood shifts, I can feel the frustrations, I can sense the confusion…but I’ll never see it from the viewpoint of the director that is playing with the minds of those living with Bipolar Disorder.  I’m on the outside looking in and to be honest, the window that is available to me is jaded and only allows a distorted view.

When it comes to mixing in such daily affirmations with relationships touched by Bipolar Disorder or other mental health challenges, these affirmations can tend to either nurture the relationship, or end up sounding like a CD player skipping over and over again during your favorite song.

Once is Not Enough
There’s a reason they are called, Daily Affirmations…they are meant to be repeated to ourselves on a daily basis as to install a positive influence and frame of mind, thus being able to translate the belief into a reality.  That reality then is used to push us into a positive step forward; remember “I think I can, I think I can…”

When managing a bipolar relationship, it’s extremely common that the daily affirmations may need to go beyond that and be offered up several times per day.  Some days are going to be harder than others and this is especially the case when dealing with rapid cycling, the shifting of moods may include a phase of low self-esteem or questionable emotions.

For some folks, being told, “I love you” once is good enough.  I used to tell my wife that from the moment she first told me that she loved me, that’s all I needed until the time were to ever come that she no longer loved me.  However, not everybody is like this and I can respect and understand that aspect to the core.

Don’t Think of Yourself
At first, when I was being asked over and over again if I still loved my wife, it became annoying as hell.  Yes…yes dear…yes, I love you…still yes.  I grew annoyed with even saying the words to her without invitation, it almost became a pain to tell her how I felt because, well, I was going to be asked again later on if I still loved her and that only made me become selfish with my own feelings for her.

That way of thinking only caused damage because it started to make me cringe when I volunteered an out-of-the-blue affirmation, which didn’t help because being afraid of communicating your feelings is a huge no-no, for obvious reasons.  Once I gave up the game of selfishness and made an attempt to understand why my wife seemed to require so many affirmations, it started to make sense and that understanding was something that needed to come around before all lines of communication started to deteriorate.

If you find yourself being asked the same questions, don’t judge or demand that they stop simply because you may be tired of answering them over and over again.  Instead, take it as an opportunity to enhance the relationship link and strengthen that bond.  Maybe learn to offer the affirmations more, before they are asked for.  For some of us, there is a need for mental conditioning or dealing with self-esteem challenges that may need to be worked on, but by suppressing such affirmations, we go the opposite direction.

Be Proactive, But be Persistent
Years ago, I never would have done such a thing, but I now find myself offering more and more affirmations and although there are some flare-ups once in awhile, it definitely helps the both of us as far as sharing emotions and adding security in one another.  Now, there’s a happy medium to be met here so it’s not something you want to do just to ‘check it off the task-list’, if you will or else the efforts and the message become meaningless.

The most critical time to offer such support is also during some of the most difficult times as again, when the mood shift occurs, that’s when the insecurities can kick in.  It may be difficult to push your message of love through when your loved one is dealing with an episode and refuses to listen, but at the same time, this is the time to really offer that comfort even if the message appears to fall on deaf ears.

What Say You?
What do you think?  Are the daily affirmations enough; too little or not enough?  When rough patches hit, how can your loved ones support you with such affirmations, or how do you support your loved one during these times?

The main reason for this is because the negative side of Seroquel (and many other psych meds) are not very well shared until one performs some intensive research.  Unfortunately, that research is sometimes only done well after the fact that the medication has made itself known and is causing problems.  We were just as guilty with “trusting the doctors”, but have quickly learned that this is not the way to go.

That being said, we invite you to visit and bookmark her blog, The Bipolar Mom and if you are indeed looking for a some real-world insight on how Seroquel may negatively affect someone, please start out with her post, Seroquel Anger, then take some time to roam around as she continues to blog about her journey.

Even though TheBipolarSpouse.com has had its ups and downs since I started it, Benpolar has always been one to stick around and support the site and my wife and I.  We’ve had some short but awesome discussions and the guy knows his stuff.  Of course, as I always try to remind people, one path of action or recovery is not going to be the same for everybody else, but Benpolar has some good documentation and experience on Bipolar Disorder that he’s more than willing to share with the world.

That being said, I’ll continue to work on some new content but I invite you to take a look at Benpolar’s recent article on: Augmenting Treatment for Bipolar Disorder with Supplements.

You may have your mental checklist of triggers or potentially dangerous situations that must be respected in the forefront of your mind and you have trained yourself to deal with some of the repetitive issues that will simply not go away. History teaches us well on those things that may push our loved ones over the edge and into a full-blown shift and we learn from this fairly quickly. We expect and wait for the next crisis or shift that will topple the balance of stability and go into damage control mode in order to keep everybody safe.

Time For a Curve Ball
One of the biggest challenges that I still struggle with in my own relationship with my wife is swallowing my pride in believing that I know it all and can truly figure both her and her disorder out and parachute in to keep her safe and stabilized. I’ve developed a very effective First Aid Kit when it comes to supporting my wife when she needs it and even though I buckle sometimes, I still manage to keep my own well-being in check most days. So after all of the research and experience in dealing with these challenges…there’s still one thing that simply drives me to my knees in utter defeat.

Just Having a Bad Day

That’s right…while I sit at my desk and attempt to churn out quality and useful information pertaining to supporting loved ones that live with bipolar disorder, it’s the typical, basic, we all have them…bad day that my wife may simply be running into that drives me up the wall.

Pretty bad, huh? Yeah, it kills me and it shames me as well because after the years we’ve spent together fighting this illness together, I’ve become susceptible into assuming that my wife is spinning out of control and I go into panic mode, over nothing. Maybe she didn’t get enough sleep, maybe the kids made a mess in a room that she just cleaned up five minutes ago or maybe she’s just beat from having to deal with some of my crap. Either way, she can have a bad day here and there and I guess it’s time for me to accept that.

My wife deals with a LOT in her life and although I’m one to try not to stress too much about life, I stress over her quite a bit because I know she has enough to manage and I’m afraid it will cause her more pain. I know I can’t take her pain from her, nor can I tackle the issues that are going on in her mind, but I still find myself trying to do the impossible. When I cloud my own mind with ignorance and assume that her bad days are actual mini-episodes due to her rapid cycling, I’m only causing her more stress…it’s a double-edged sword.

Support Humanity, Not the Disorder
The only takeaway I’d like people to have on this one is simple. Regardless of whatever challenges bipolar disorder or any mental health issue that may arise, remember that your loved one is still human and can have emotions just like the rest of the world, without the results of those emotions needing to be labeled or tied to the illness.

For those that may have only recently found TheBipolarSpouse.com, my wife manages her life with Bipolar Disorder II and Ultradian Cycling. I like to believe that I am a very compassionate individual and when I watch my wife go through one, two or ten shifts in a single day, it tears me up inside knowing that although I can “be there” for her, there really is nothing I can do to help her aside from that. I pointed out in another post about how it may visually appear to others on how such rapid cycling can affect both a sufferer and a supporter and although it looks brutal on paper, I still will never be able to express some of the difficulties in words.

The hardest challenge I have to deal with on a daily basis, is reminding myself over and over again, that when my wife is dealing with some of the issues she manages, even if things are said or done that may present otherwise, she does love me with everything that she has to offer and the “real” her is not out to hurt me. Sometimes, during a shift, she can literally look me dead in the eyes with that gorgeous smile and tell me that she knows that I love her and that she loves me more than anything and I am her world…and five minutes later, she’s struggling and asking why I hate her so much and how can I stand being with her.

I’ll be honest and upfront with you and anybody that asks me, because I am only human, I sometimes (many more times than I’d like to) break my own cardinal rule of not participating in arguments or fights during times of distress or irrationality, but again, I am human and sometimes this damned disorder gets the better of me, unfortunately at the expense of my wife’s feelings.

She often refers to what’s going on in her mind as a “dark cloud” that overtakes her world, or having the “Angel and Demon” on her shoulders battling it out. What becomes difficult is seeing her during her times of joy and stability, where she outright knows that all is well between us and shares her love with zero limits and then, out of nowhere, that cloud floats in and takes her away from me. There are “images” and falsehoods whispered into her ear by that little devil that she has very little control over as far as ignoring…yet, I just saw ten minutes prior that she was winning the fight. The worst part, is when this dark side of the disorder takes over and makes her lash out to hurt me, if I succumb and retaliate, it’s smart enough to side-step itself and let my words cause the damage against my wife, and not the disorder.

From my perspective, although I know for a fact that she wishes to give and receive nothing but the purest love that we have between us, the path to that utopia bends, winds and loops all around itself without so much as a clear path or sign as to where we are supposed to travel. The moment we let ourselves fall into any type of security, that cloud, devil or whatever you wish to call this…thing, throws in as much effort as possible to take advantage of that security and shake it at its very foundation.

It’s very difficult to keep up as one day, I’m the most important person in her life and I am being the best supporter and provider that I can be, and the next day, I…well, let’s just stick with, I’m not. I do my absolute best to keep in mind that these rough patches are not her intentional attempts at hurting me. The problem is, everything she knows, that damn devil on her shoulder knows and he likes to hit me where it hurts, continuously.

Boundaries are destroyed, agreements and promises are broken and sometimes even faith is twisted because Bipolar Disorder loves to play against the rules of the relationship. I know my wife, the loving, caring and precious individual that she is, is still stuck somewhere in that disguise of pain, anger and resentment that this disorder places over her. The fact that the painful words and sadness that are said, are coming out in her beautiful voice, is what makes it that much more difficult to contend with.

My passion is to help others, my goals are to continuously improve my relationship with my own wife and increase my knowledge of Bipolar Disorder in an effort to support my wife and as the site grows, to be able to support others that are following a similar path that I have, or are just starting out on that path with loving one with Bipolar Disorder. It pains me to know that good people that are truly wanting quality information about this disorder may be receiving some misguided data that can only hurt their progress and ultimately, end up hurting their loved one in an attempt to actually help. That being said, I’ve put together a short list of myths about Bipolar Disorder in how it affects a relationship not only in what my wife and I have experienced first hand, but what others have been willing to share as well.

Myths About Bipolar Disorder

People with Bipolar Disorder Can’t Function
I’ll tackle one that really hit home with my wife and I on more than one occasion. While online on one of her favorite community sites, she came across a discussion about Bipolar Disorder and how some people have a belief that those with the disorder simply cannot function and “do not belong” with the rest of the world (as far as acting normal in their opinion). During a stay at the hospital, another patient
simply came out and said that she didn’t have Bipolar Disorder and the people that have the illness can’t function. Many people that live with Bipolar Disorder find their own ways to cope with and manage the challenges brought on by the disorder in their lives. Whether that be using coping skills that may not seem “orthodox” or simply choosing to take a bit of a timeout once in awhile, this does not mean the individual cannot function. My wife manages to run the household as a stay at home mother to our four children and she amazes and impresses me on a daily basis on how well she performs the duties that she takes on.

People with Bipolar Disorder are Crazy
Unfortunately, I have seen many topics pop up where the uneducated simply will choose to run away from those associated with any kind of mental disorder at all. Phrases such as, “If you know someone is bipolar, run…run far away!” or, “The second I found out my wife was bipolar, I divorced her as soon as I could.” are simply phrases of ignorance. Living with Bipolar Disorder is, first of all, not exactly a choice, and those afflicted with the disorder are not “unhuman” or crazy, as many would wish to believe. The saying goes, “Those who live in glass houses, shouldn’t throw stones” comes to mind as we all have our ups-and-downs and deal with sadness and other challenges. Those living with Bipolar Disorder never asked for this aspect of their lives and there’s nothing stopping such individuals from living and healthy productive life whatsoever.

Only Medication and Therapy Can Help Those with Bipolar Disorder
It may be true that both an effective and well monitored medication plan and regular therapy can indeed provide a path to stability, however, these avenues are not the only means for support and assistance. Keep in mind that, although Bipolar Disorder is indeed a mental health disorder, this does not prevent those living with the disorder to experience the benefits of everyday activities and and events that can improve moods, overall positive feelings and well-being. Such activities as regular exercise, routine schedules, maintaining a healthy diet and watching out for “triggers” or other events that may induce a shift in moods or cycles can also help in managing the difficulties that can be included in managing Bipolar Disorder.

Those with Bipolar Disorder are Happy During Manic or Hypomanic Phases
The highlight of the manic side of Bipolar Disorder is the feeling of euphoria, or when one can do no wrong and they are on top of the world. This “falsified happiness” can present a state of joy and positive outlooks on everything in life, however, it is also during this phase where some of the popular (yet negative) points of the disorder can come to light. During the transition to mania (or hypomania), one can actually lose touch with reality and begin to make extremely irrational decisions that would normally not be considered during times of stability. From a non-bipolar perspective, it is easy to allow one to fall into a false sense of security as those not well-informed may view the manic episode as a “good day” or period of stability. In actuality, manic episodes, are in most cases responsible for pushing one to make disruptive and even destructive behavior that can place them into an extremely dangerous situation and possibly damage their interpersonal relationships, careers and can even become life-threatening.

People with Bipolar Disorder Shift Moods Back and Forth Very Often
This has some truth to it, but based on the flavor of the disorder one is dealing with. In it’s most basic form, Bipolar Disorder averages less than one major shift in moods per year according to the medical journals and documentation. However, if one is managing Bipolar Disorder with Rapid Cycling, or Ultradian Cycling, shifts between moods and occur as few as six times per year to numerous times in a single twenty-four hour period. My wife struggles with Ultradian Cycling and we have seen her moods shift back and forth as quickly as within a thirty minute period and sometimes, she can shift in much longer periods. I’ve come across tweets on Twitter, or forum discussions where people will make comments such as, “My so-and-so was joking around with me and the next thing I know, we were fighting over something stupid…he/she must be Bipolar!!!”. Come on, seriously? Bipolar Disorder is not a one time situation and if someone has suddenly become upset at you, stop and think about what you did to piss them off…but don’t fire off the word “Bipolar” in an attempt to cast labels. [Sorry, end of rant]

If you can tell, I am passionate about the things I support and yes, I do get upset when I rehash some of the negative aspects and opinions I’ve seen about the world of Bipolar Disorder. The stigma of mental illness is strong enough on its own for us to fight against and although I am on that mission as with without experiencing the effects of Bipolar Disorder myself, the woman I love is struggling everyday with the pains of this curse and it only makes matters worse when people are offered negative or unhelpful information on such important issues.

I challenge anybody to really open their minds and be willing to be educated on something that they do not understand before passing judgment and sentence on our fellow human beings that are tasked with living with mental health issues.

]]> http://thebipolarspouse.com/2010/05/17/5-popular-myths-about-bipolar-disorder/feed/ 17 http://thebipolarspouse.com/2010/05/11/bipolar-disorder-and-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/ http://thebipolarspouse.com/2010/05/11/bipolar-disorder-and-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/#comments Tue, 11 May 2010 16:45:35 +0000 Rich Wallace http://thebipolarspouse.com/?p=1175 Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a severe anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to any event which results in psychological trauma. This event may involve the threat of death to oneself or to someone else, or to one’s own or someone else’s physical, sexual, or psychological integrity, overwhelming the individual’s ability to cope. -Wikipedia

It’s not uncommon for people to experience stress in their day to day lives either stemming from a long day at work, seasonal stress or others stressors that either push us to work harder, or slow us down for a limited amount of time. Were you reminded by the boss about that important, upcoming deadline and now have a little trouble sleeping? Maybe you found yourself in an altercation with a neighbor and now there is a little anxiety flowing when you’re taking the trash out. Stress is normal and some stress can actually help us out when we’re in a jam.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is much different. Unlike normal daily living stress, PTSD can bring on extremely intense stress levels that can almost become unbearable and do not go away on their own, or very quickly. Much like the individuality of those experiencing PTSD, the materialization and reasons behind such stresses can be a result of anything related to one’s past. Whether there has been physical or emotional trauma, no matter how intense, PTSD can stem from any event that cannot be managed easily.

Symptoms of PTSD can come about immediately after a traumatic event, or they can slowly appear years after an event. Generally, there are some common symptoms to keep an eye out for, such as:

• Flashbacks: Reliving the event or having recurring memories or disturbing mental images about the traumatic event itself, or other thoughts that may or may not have been experienced.
• Avoidance: Intentionally avoiding people, places or events that may trigger a reminder of the traumatic event.
• Emotional Withdrawal: Pulling away or emotionally disconnecting from others due to developing a different way of viewing the world based on the traumatic event. Disassociation and reservations become common in a way to mentally protect one’s self from perceived threats.
• Hyper-vigilance: Being on “edge”, irritable or in a constant state of cautiousness, especially in other stressful situations.

Although PTSD can be treated and managed with effective therapy or counseling, the fear or anxiety of having to rehash the traumatic event that had aided in developing the disorder prevents those affected from seeking out the therapy or following through with it. Over time, home-grown coping skills that may not necessarily be considered healthy, can pave a path of potentially harmful conditioned responses to other non-traumatic events.

Example: A woman that had been abused and repeatedly locked inside of a closet developed an isolated memory of smells, sounds and other environmental variables that later, when removed from the abusive environment, had a very difficult time coping with similar smells, sounds and other reminders of her abusive past. The ticking sound of a nearby clock would send her into a panic attack as, while locked in the closet, a wall clock next to the door was one of the only sounds she could hear.

How PTSD Affects Those Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar Disorder introduces its own set of challenges as far as mood stability and coping with irrational thoughts. When PTSD is also mixed in, there is another level of difficult added in with regards to coping and dealing with not only such events that may provoke reminders of a traumatic event, but those reminders may also transition into triggers that can send one into a nosedive of instability.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can be be treated successfully and during that treatment, one may be able to build on strengths and positive aspects of themselves that they never knew existed. Such opportunities may open up a whole new world of insight and abilities to deal with other stressful aspects of life. Learning such skills and abilities can absolutely spill over into how those living with Bipolar Disorder can also cope with other challenges and even minimize triggers and episodes if the source of traumatic stress is managed.

What Do you Think?
As always, I’m interested in what others think about the topics that I share here in TheBipolarSpouse.com. Although some of the subjects are difficult to read or talk about, we can only spread the education and support by sharing…so I ask you, what are your thoughts? Has PTSD been an issue for you or your loved ones and if so, how? What actions or ideas do you have that can help others in dealing with these challenges? Comment below and let me know what you think.

Thought this was a pretty good, yet summarized briefing on diagnosing BP…taken from CNN:

Let’s start with the more general question of how one diagnoses bipolar disorder in general. Like all psychiatric diagnoses, this one is based on symptoms over time. There is no blood test or other definitive way to establish the diagnosis.

By definition, bipolar disorder is defined as a history of at least one manic episode. Mania, in turn, is a condition in which everything is revved up. People are euphoric, irritable (or both at the same time or in rapid succession), grandiose and prone to big risk taking. Sleep diminishes, sometimes to zero. Thoughts speed up and bodily passions are magnified. Speech often becomes rapid. Opportunities and benefits seem as common as sand by the sea and risks seem paltry by comparison. Crazy things are often done. When mania really gets fired up, people often lose touch with reality and hear voices and start to believe fantastical things about themselves. For example, I had a patient years ago who, when manic, believed that she was located at the center of our universe and could see all the galaxies rotating around her.

It’s an odd paradox of our diagnostic system that despite being called bipolar disorder, which employs two opposite poles, all one needs to have the diagnosis is a manic episode. The saving grace for this inconsistency, of course, is the fact that what goes up must come down, meaning that almost everyone who goes manic will also experience depressive episodes. This is especially true for women. Although there are a few rare people who only have manias (mostly men), recent studies consistently show that most people with bipolar disorder spend the majority of their time in a depressed state. A full-blown mania can be a shocking thing to see, but in fact the depression that bipolar patients struggle with is more damaging to life and limb than are the manic episodes.

If you follow trends in psychiatry, you will know that over the last decade there has been an increasing recognition that many people with lifelong struggles with depression will show subtle signs of bipolarity if one looks closely enough. Here the question becomes how to tell a mild mania (called hypomania) from a really good day, week or month. The jury is still out on this one, but I’m one of the many who have become convinced that it is useful to look for subtle bipolarity in chronically depressed patients, if for no other reason than certain mood stabilizing medications may be differentially effective in depressed people with “a little bit of bipolar.”

Bipolar disorder comes in two official flavors. To meet criteria for bipolar I disorder, one needs to have had at least one manic episode that wasn’t explained by something physical like an illness or medication. To meet criteria for bipolar II disorder, one must have episodes of depression that are interspersed with hypomanic episodes. If you’re with me on this, you’ll want to know what we call people who only have periods of hypomania. The answer is interesting: We have no answer — there is no diagnosis for this pattern of mood symptoms, although this may change in the next version of the DSM.

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Those with strong will and determination can often muster up enough hidden strength to get though just about any challenge, no matter how painful or saddening the outcome of those challenges are. Some relationships end the second there is a hint at difficulty, others fade away when the trust and sanctity of the relationship is touched by infidelity or other extreme cases.

Regular readers of the site here may have noticed that my writing activity has decreased considerably over the past few weeks. After much focus and healing time, I decided it was time to come back to my passion of writing and share some of the most difficult aspects that have occurred recently in order to fulfill my wish to help and inform others. Although the past few weeks has been the most difficult time of my life as it pertains to my relationship, it has been indeed an eye-opening experience and the most I learn, the more value I can provide to others.

The Downward Spiral
Our relationship roller coaster started to hit an unexpected corkscrew when my wife had decided to attempt to reach out to her sisters, after not speaking to them for over two years. Although for some time I had supported the idea of her reconnecting and hopefully resolving the past challenges they had all had among each other, I was skeptical as the anger she still carried during those two years had resurfaced the moment her opportunity for contact with them came about.

Overall, there was an increasing amount of rage and anger that had been growing inside of her for the past few months, but aside from some difficult days and slight depression, it wasn’t anything critical and she was still very functional. The day after she met with her sisters, her well-being had taken a pretty rough turn and felt betrayed although she had hope that things could change for the better. She swore them off again and mentioned that she didn’t want them back in her life and told me that she didn’t want the kids involved whatsoever based on the outcome of their meeting. I supported her decision and we pretty much left it at that.

The next day, I came home from work and all of the kids were home except for my oldest. My wife was sitting in the den playing on the computer and I finally asked where our daughter was, and she responded that she was with one of her sisters. Based on what she had told me the previous night, my understanding was that she didn’t want the kids involved whatsoever and that was the end of the sister opportunity. I got upset as it seems that she decided to change her mind without informing me and after her report on her meeting with her sisters and some of the things they told my wife, I was really not all that supportive of the reintegration either.

I voiced my frustration with how my wife handled this by not keeping me in the loop as these are my children as well, and unfortunately, the anger and rage that my wife had been fighting recently decided to come out at this time. We ended up engaging in a verbal argument and although I am not going to say that I was the perfect angel, my wife did end up losing control and physically attacked me in front of the other three children. My son was affected most of all and all I could see was him screaming, sitting on the couch in a fetal position yelling at my wife to stop hitting me. She finally stopped and drove off to her sister’s to get our daughter.

As I consoled the children, she came with back our oldest daughter, whom of which was already visibly shaken up. We ended up calling it an early night and finally got everybody calmed down enough to relax and go to bed.

The next day, I went to work early only to leave early to go talk to my father as to gain some perspective from him. I stayed there for a few hours and decided to try to get home about the same time the kids got home from school in case my wife was still out of sorts. I got home soon after the children did and could tell that my wife was still very upset and she was not stable enough to have a civilized conversation just yet. We both traded comments back and forth and although it wasn’t the best way for me to handle it, I am still human as well and my feelings can indeed be hurt.

I went outside to watch the kids play with their roller skates in the driveway and my wife decided to make some appearances outside with us, but again, the rage was still boiling and there were no pleasant interactions at all. I went back inside as I had received a phone call from a client and finished that up in the den. My wife was still angry and the comments were still going back and forth and I finally had enough and told her that I was done with everything and that it wasn’t healthy and I wasn’t happy whatsoever in her ways of attacking me emotionally and physically as this wasn’t the only time it had happened.

When I told her this and as angry as I had become, she essentially lost it all over again and while screaming at the top of her lungs, (I can’t even say what she was saying at the time) she threw her cell phone directly at my chest, which connected in the sternum and then lunged at me, screaming, kicking, pushing and slapping me. I did manage to stop her at one point and warned her that if she did not stop and calm down, I was going to call the police.

After I said this, she did indeed attack again and after several smacks on the arms and my back, I grabbed my phone and went to the bedroom calling 911. As I closed and locked the bedroom door, she picked up and threw our dog’s cage at me while still yelling.

After about ten minutes on the phone with dispatch, the police showed up and instructed me to come out of the bedroom. My wife was still very visibly upset, verbally fighting with the police as they instructed her to calm down and told me to wrangle up the kids and put them in their room for a bit. I informed dispatch that my wife suffered from bipolar disorder and was going though a major hypomanic episode; which the on-site officers asked her if she was on her meds to make sure that was not an issue.

After taking me to the den and viewing the results of the physical attack from the marks on my back, they instructed me that they needed to arrest her and take her to jail for the evening. Again, I got the kids out of sight as they removed my wife from the home and they placed the handcuffs on her and took her in. It took me about an hour to collect myself after my father showed up to help out with the kids as I was in no condition to take care of all four at the time. We talked for a bit before going to his house so the kids could stay over for the night and I ended up going back home to be alone and think. I was not aware of what my wife was going through and also wanted to be close to home in case she was released or was allowed to keep in contact with me.

She did spend the night in jail and I had hoped that this was going to be a true eye opener for her on how the results of the recent decisions would affect not only herself, but the kids and those around her.