This particular post is aimed toward taking some time to reflect a bit as it pertains to my time blogging here on TheBipolarSpouse.com.  This challenge was inspired by another blogger that is very well known in the “blogosphere” and after reading about the challenge, it sparked a good bit of interest in me.  Although this post is more of an exercise, if you will, I hope that you find it interesting and useful as well.

Some of the key points that I would like to place my focus against on this article is aimed at a series of questions asked by one of the top bloggers in the ‘industry’ of blogging.  The format of this post will answer these questions in a “list” form and include links to articles within the site corresponding to those questions.

The Seven Links of Interest from TheBipolarSpouse.com

First Post: As I look back over the past year of writing TheBipolarSpouse.com, not only has my writing style changed dramatically, but some of my views compared between recent posts and the first post on the blog have gone through a pretty noticeable metamorphosis.  I find myself almost a bit disappointed in how I viewed Bipolar Disorder, but the continuous learning and re-educating of myself has improved in my opinion.

First Post Link:  A  Unique Challenge

Post that I Enjoyed Writing the Most: After investing some serious thought on how to portray how Bipolar Disorder affected me as my wife’s primary supporter, I truly wanted to share those thoughts about not only how I felt about the illness, but how I see the illness from my perspective in how it affects those living with the disorder on a day-to-day basis.  I had many questions and after finding some of those answers, I decided to add in some dramatics and wrote this post, that ended being a hard-hitter among readers, but I actually also enjoyed writing this as it really did help me to get my thoughts out.

Post that I Enjoyed Writing the Post:  Interview with Bipolar Disorder

Post Which Generated Great Discussion: Unfortunately, I have yet to find that secret ingredient that will offer a comforting invitation to others to really discuss the subject of mental illness here on the site.  My thought process revolves around the fact that the stigma linked to mental illness adds a bit of a barrier to opening the lines of communication, or maybe I’m just not asking enough of the tough questions, or generating truly thought provoking articles.  However, one of the most popular posts on TheBipolarSpouse.com that has brought in great discussion covers the most popular question.

Post Which Generated Great Discussion:  Why do Those with Bipolar Disorder Turn on Their Spouses?

Post on Someone Else’s Blog that I Wish I had Written:  I’m at a bit of a disadvantage in that, I write on how Bipolar Disorder affects me, although I do not live with the illness myself on a day-to-day basis; my main weakness in my efforts of being an advocate is that I do not ‘understand’ what the illness does to a person, only what it does to one loving an individual with the illness.  From the supporter’s perspective, I see first hand that there is an audience looking for guidance and insight, which I attempt to offer, but one post that I really wish I had been able to put together offers that support to me when I need it.

Post on Someone Else’s Blog that I Wish I had Written: Coping Skills for those  diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and the loving people who care for them

Most Helpful Post: Now this is questionable as again, I’m not getting many comments on the posts to really gauge how well I’m doing in this area.  That being said, I’m not sure if I should point out a post that has helped others the most, or one that has helped me the most in regard to sharing what my wife and I go through together.  So, I decided I’d share one from both perspectives based on the feedback I’ve received that presents positive reaction from a post, and how much better I felt after publishing this post.

Most Helpful Post (for others):  5 Most Common Bipolar Disorder Triggers
Most Helpful Post (for me):  Supporter’s Vow: I Won’t Let You Fall Apart

Post with a Title that I am Proud of: When it comes to blogging, in general…the Title of the article is typically the first chance I get to generate interest.  The goal is to not only offer that ‘first impression’ within seven to ten words, but to also stay close to home based on the article’s subject matter.  I had written a post that attempted to again answer the question on the main challenge that supporters are faced with in a Bipolar Relationship and when it came time to name that particular article, it hit me and I couldn’t have linked the message to the title any better, in my opinion.

Post with a Title that I am Proud of: Why Bipolar Disorder Fights Dirty

Post that I Wish More People had Read: My main goal with TheBipolarSpouse.com is to truly reach out to and offer support and a little guidance and hope to others that are in my situation in loving one afflicted with Bipolar Disorder and learn how to cope with the challenges that come along with such a relationship.  Even after making such a transition to my own way of thinking and seeing how cruel the ‘uneducated (or ignorant)’ can be, I still wish to push the same message that although the situation can indeed be difficult, success is not impossible.  This post that really tries to push that message, but seems to be hidden although I think needs to be a staple in the blog for all new readers.

Post that I Wish More People had Read:  Helping the “Normal” to Understand

It’s good to take that stroll down memory lane sometimes as it even helps me to see where I’ve been when I first started the blog compared to where I am today.  Sure, I try to help others that are looking for unique viewpoints on similar situations and my own ideas and offerings are definitely not ‘gospel’, but at the same time, not only do I receive supportive feedback, but it also helps me to keep my own path of education on the right track.

I will never view or advertise myself as an ‘expert’ or ‘guru’ on Bipolar Disorder as again, I can only see so far into the horizon from such a distance, but the more I learn, the stronger my own relationship with my wife grows, and if I can truly help others in one way or another, that’s a positive attribute added to the journey.

First off, I switched things around on the technical aspect of TheBipolarSpouse.com in regards to both the domain and hosting provider.  There were both some good and bad aspects of this little change up related to how some of the inner workings go and also with relation to syndicated updates.

The Good
After moving the foundation around a bit; TheBipolarSpouse.com has a new home with a new web hosting provider.  Hopefully, you may have been able to tell a big difference in the performance of the site as things are running much faster and smoother.  I’m still tweaking here and there, but overall, the hosting and article viewing is settled.  Just let me know if you run into any problems.

The Bad
With the move, I somehow lost the connection between the site and Feedburner, which is where I serve up both the site’s RSS feed, and the email notification services.  That being said, I’ve had to rebuild both so if you have been expecting updates via your email inbox, I regrettably have to request that you sign up for that service again.  If interested, please click here to receive your updates via email.

Business as Usual
Luckily, not everything blew up and some of the more popular methods of keeping up with the site are still available without any added effort including connecting with the site’s Twitter account, mailing list (which still includes my free EBook) and I’ve been receiving some requests and suggestions in the last site survey to open up the Facebook Page that may be coming back soon.  Not a huge fan of Facebook, but we’ll see how that comes about in the coming days.

Twitter
As mentioned, the site has it’s own Twitter account that will ‘tweet’ out new articles when they are published.  If you’re on Twitter and care to receive such updates, Follow TheBipolarSpouse.com and keep an eye open for the updates!

Mailing List
If you haven’t done so already, I encourage you to sign up for my mailing list.  Not only will you receive a free copy of my first installment of my “Bipolar Supporter’s Blueprint: Entering Into a Bipolar Relationship” ebook series, but you will also receive updates and other mailings on topics that I may not specifically cover here on the site.   Subscribing is easy and all it takes is less than a minute to get started and to receive your free ebook.  I’ll make is easy and offer you the chance to sign up now:

That’s about is for now and as usual, if you also wish to contact me via email, just click on the “Contact” link above, or simply click here.

I hope to connect with you soon!

However, when my wife found out what I did, although she wasn’t going to say anything to begin with, she ended up letting me know how disappointed she was in my decision. She gave me a fairly hard hitting reality check that the site does indeed help people, including herself, based on the amount of activity the site receives and how many ebook downloads we’ve had since its release. Then, not to neglect, she reminded me that there are indeed brave souls out there willing to talk about Bipolar Disorder and leave some wonderful comments and discussion within the articles.

However…based on my snap judgment decision, I ultimately brought down all of the underlying and linked communication services tied to the site including Twitter, the RSS feed and email subscriptions. So, I humbly ask you, if you’re willing to forgive me, to please sign up again to receive updates from the site if you have been expecting them prior to the Memorial Day weekend. You will find the new connections here:

Twitter (@bpspouse): Site updates and new articles published on the site are automatically fed to the site’s Twitter stream in near real-time. If you want to be informed of recent updates, this is the most efficient way to get them. If you’d like to reach out to me, personally, you can also follow me, Rich at @richwallace.

RSS (Really Simple Syndication): If you use a news reader or would like to plug into updates from TheBipolarSpouse.com for your own site, you can use the site’s RSS feed, here.

EMail Subscription: If you’d like to receive updates from the site via email, you can sign up for the site’s email subscription service, here.

If I’ve shaken the foundation a bit too much, I sincerely apologize and do not wish to upset any of the trust or reliability in you may have been able to connect with from the site. I am only human, but I’m learning and starting to see with the blessings from my wife, that the site is indeed making a difference and that’s always been the goal behind the words your eyes meet here.

Thank you,
-Rich

See, when my wife and I were introduced to Bipolar Disorder, we were practically given a three page pamphlet to take home attempting to educate us on the disorder, tied in with some”advertising” for the pharmaceutical company that printed the material and a “Good Luck” as we left the office. When we really began bumping up against the challenges that Bipolar Disorder was bringing to the relationship, we were more than frustrated that there wasn’t real-world information on how to manage such challenges.

That frustration is what ended up driving me to create TheBipolarSpouse.com and with my wife’s personal blessing, the site was born several years later.

First off, I fully understand and am aware that the challenges my wife and I go through are unique to us, much like any other couple navigating similar waters. However, in my research and connections with many wonderful people such as yourself, there are still very common obstacles that are being placed in front of many people that bring up many questions that people are either afraid to ask, or just don’t know how to ask.

To keep myself aligned with my goals and desires to help others, the only real way that I can trust in making sure that my compass is true is to reach out to you and simply ask how I’m doing or find out what I can do better. With that, the favor that I would like to as you is, if you would take about two minutes and fill out a quick survey that I have put together, here:

Take Me to the Survey

I truly appreciate and respect your time and although the feedback would be extremely valuable to me, I understand if you would rather not fill out the information. The survey is 100% anonymous and if it adds some security on your part, I will not have any identifiable information about who is taking the survey, nor will anybody else.

Also, I do my absolute best to answer any and all emails that I may receive so if you’d rather contact me that way, simply hit the contact link at the top of the page.

Thanks again for your support and I wish you all the best.

-Rich Wallace
TheBipolarSpouse.com

Thought this was a pretty good, yet summarized briefing on diagnosing BP…taken from CNN:

Let’s start with the more general question of how one diagnoses bipolar disorder in general. Like all psychiatric diagnoses, this one is based on symptoms over time. There is no blood test or other definitive way to establish the diagnosis.

By definition, bipolar disorder is defined as a history of at least one manic episode. Mania, in turn, is a condition in which everything is revved up. People are euphoric, irritable (or both at the same time or in rapid succession), grandiose and prone to big risk taking. Sleep diminishes, sometimes to zero. Thoughts speed up and bodily passions are magnified. Speech often becomes rapid. Opportunities and benefits seem as common as sand by the sea and risks seem paltry by comparison. Crazy things are often done. When mania really gets fired up, people often lose touch with reality and hear voices and start to believe fantastical things about themselves. For example, I had a patient years ago who, when manic, believed that she was located at the center of our universe and could see all the galaxies rotating around her.

It’s an odd paradox of our diagnostic system that despite being called bipolar disorder, which employs two opposite poles, all one needs to have the diagnosis is a manic episode. The saving grace for this inconsistency, of course, is the fact that what goes up must come down, meaning that almost everyone who goes manic will also experience depressive episodes. This is especially true for women. Although there are a few rare people who only have manias (mostly men), recent studies consistently show that most people with bipolar disorder spend the majority of their time in a depressed state. A full-blown mania can be a shocking thing to see, but in fact the depression that bipolar patients struggle with is more damaging to life and limb than are the manic episodes.

If you follow trends in psychiatry, you will know that over the last decade there has been an increasing recognition that many people with lifelong struggles with depression will show subtle signs of bipolarity if one looks closely enough. Here the question becomes how to tell a mild mania (called hypomania) from a really good day, week or month. The jury is still out on this one, but I’m one of the many who have become convinced that it is useful to look for subtle bipolarity in chronically depressed patients, if for no other reason than certain mood stabilizing medications may be differentially effective in depressed people with “a little bit of bipolar.”

Bipolar disorder comes in two official flavors. To meet criteria for bipolar I disorder, one needs to have had at least one manic episode that wasn’t explained by something physical like an illness or medication. To meet criteria for bipolar II disorder, one must have episodes of depression that are interspersed with hypomanic episodes. If you’re with me on this, you’ll want to know what we call people who only have periods of hypomania. The answer is interesting: We have no answer — there is no diagnosis for this pattern of mood symptoms, although this may change in the next version of the DSM.

Source Article

I’ve witnessed first hand, how my wife’s affliction with bipolar disorder can make others become extremely cautious or simply ignore her altogether under the impression that she’s not normal enough to receive their support, compassion and friendship. Not only that, we have experienced such challenges where even family members choose to attack and abandon her over a condition that she never asked for and although she is ashamed of dealing with the disorder, seeks to improve her own life and receive as much help as possible.

As I’ve experienced myself, it’s much easier to pass judgment, label another individual and walk away from such a challenge as accepting a mental disorder in one’s life than it is to move away from the stigma and conditioning that society goes through telling us that those that are not “normal like us”, are a lost cause and are nothing but trouble. Due to such a mentality, those suffering and being abandoned, even if screaming out for help, are all too easily written off and left to fend for themselves without a reliable net to fall into when needed.

Something ugly happens when someone is abandoned or rejected over and over again…they get used to it and soon, learn to expect nothing else. When it comes to the hardships that bipolar driven episodes and high or lows can being to the table for those dealing with them, loneliness becomes a person’s worst enemy and can also introduce some very dangerous opportunities. Those feelings of rejection and being “outcast” can start to be rehashed and intensified resulting in damaging results to one’s self-esteem and self-worth.

From the supporter’s perspective, these types of issues can take a major toll on the emotional side of life as due in part to assisting in managing the triggers, outbursts, episodes and unexpected shifts in cycles seems to be solely aimed at the supporter, and the responsibility of being the lone one there for our loved ones can also become extremely difficult. Although the last thing we want to advertise is that our loved one is a burden to us, the task of being the lone supporter can bring on its own challenges and confusions.

Being my wife’s sole supporter means that when the hardships hit, she only has one immediate path to support, outside of calling her therapist, psychiatrist or the local hospital. Unfortunately, since I work outside of the home and I’m not exactly a stone’s throw away from the house, there is always going to be a critical patch of time where she is alone between the time she calls me for help and when I walk through the front door. Also from the supporting side of the fence, this adds even more stress to know that it is not an option for someone else to go to the plate when an emergency hits.

The commitment I’ve offered to my wife is to be there for her through thick and thin and in sickness and in health and I take my role and responsibilities to her extremely seriously. True, I am not a machine and eventually, the battles can indeed wear me out at times but it is during those times that I must keep in mind that whatever I am going through, the duress that she is going through is only multiplied, ten-fold. When it comes to love, whether we are talking about family love, spousal love or love for a friend, being there is the most important task we can perform for those counting on us because, as unfortunate as it is, too many others choose to be somewhere else.

Change sucks…

As much as we’d like things to simply stay the same as our comfort zone is deemed as sacred ground, in order for us to grow and better ourselves, change is a necessity. I often write about how to maintain stability and understanding within a bipolar relationship, but with putting in such effort to do so, even as it relates to my own relationship, it becomes very difficult to plan ahead and consider change.

Unfortunately, one of the most common changes that I see when it comes to bipolar relationships, is that a lot of couples end up calling it quits and the relationship is ended. I’ve also posted in the past that severing such a connection isn’t always bad as if one or all participants cannot handle the challenges, it’s not fair to keep things going under false pretenses.

Bipolar relationships are not laid out on a schedule, or project plan simply because the disorder isn’t necessarily reliable enough for us to know when it will hit us with the next episode or cycle shift. This is not to say that we cannot put together new goals and strive to reach and exceed those goals, but we must be willing to accept the fact that our paths truly follow the “one-step-forward-two-steps-back” approach if we are not careful.

Everything is measured in baby steps as for all we know, change itself can bring on a trigger that could potentially blow the relationship back to square one. The key isn’t necessarily to come up with brand new goals that haven’t been thought of or attempted in the past. Again, with baby steps, we can simply focus on what it is we do today that may not be as rock solid as we’d like, so work on fixing those gaps first.

Goals provide a positive outlook and offer us an internal “compass” on getting us to where we’d like to be. As comforting as it is to stay right where we are, sometimes we need to look at the big picture and determine if, where we are now is anywhere remotely close to where we really wish to be. If it is, think again because you may be kidding yourself due to the whole fear of stepping out of the box deal.

It’s a New Year…whether you make goals or resolutions, what has worked for you in the past? What hasn’t worked and maybe needs a new attempt going forward?

At one point, I realized that when people do decide to find an ear to bend that is willing to take it all in, the last thing that they actually want is to hear about the listener’s similar situation and feel that there is a competition building on whose had a harder life. Of course, asking for advice is different, but many of us really just want to let it out if the opportunity presents itself.

I’ve always been one to play the role of the listener, especially in group environments as to be honest, I don’t have much to really say in many situations. I have my own opinions on certain topics, but I still believe in, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”, not to say I disagree with everything, I just don’t have much of an opinion on many topics. My main goal in these situations is to listen, if not to simply hone that skill, but to also study people in how they act, or react, with one another.

I’ve witnessed some of the most wonderful interactions via conversation and…not so wonderful interactions and one of the most common mistakes I see people make when trying to listen, is to butt in with their own problems, and say the dreaded words, “I know how you feel…”

Yikes!

First off, no matter how similar a situation is that I have had with someone else, close to me or not, I will never know how they feel, nor will they ever really know how I feel. Sure, I can sympathize with people and reach out as best as I can, but just as we are unique in every way, our own matters of the heart and how we deal with them are simply not going to be the same as someone else.

I read the other day on somebody’s blog how they were at a support group for bipolar spouse’s and there was an exchange where the wife of a bipolar individual was telling her story. Visibly distraught and trying to make sense of some issues, another participant chimed in with, “I know how you feel…” and that phrase alone triggered a brutal outburst between the two and they ended up having to be escorted out of the session. At first, I could see both sides as I myself, am married to a bipolar spouse and although there are similar commonalities, I also understood the frustration that took place after the phrase was muttered.

It takes skill to listen anymore as society seems to have fallen into an age of entitlement and competitive life stories. From my experience with my wife and how we manage our own bipolar relationship, there is a deep understanding, mostly from my side, that no matter how much I research the disorder and learn to ride her vibe, I know that I will never know how she feels, and at the same time, she knows that she will never know how I feel in return.

To further touch on the issue, even those living seemingly mirrored lives, still cannot truly know how another feels, because all it takes it a minuscule difference to knock those paths away from each other. Case in point, I had received an email from a woman, truly scared and upset about how her boyfriend could find her marriage-worthy although she herself suffers from bipolar disorder. As it were, she used descriptive offerings in her questions that, although my wife would ask me in the same context, these actually hurt and upset my wife as though she was being labeled by the mailer.

Even I was a bit surprised as both had used similar, actually the same words, in questioning how we make our relationship work and it sparked some anger in my wife as again, regardless of how similar two situations can be for different people, the thoughts and feelings can be completely different.

Feelings and emotions are not only unique per individual, but they are part of our identities. When we attempt to sympathize with another by implying that we know how they feel, or we can understand their emotions, it’s similar to that of intruding on sacred ground. For successful communication and stronger relationship foundations, keep in mind that the connection truly involves two separate entities…otherwise we risk trying to control the overall connection and with that, we risk devaluing the ones we love and care about.

As much as I try to keep my topics and posts here on the site timeless and as applicable to many situations as possible, I felt that I needed to offer an explanation to those following the site as to why I went on a sudden hiatus; while at the same time, offer some insight on a very powerful scenario that many are challenged with while in a bipolar relationship. After all, without real-world experience to offer, what good are my offerings?

Playing the role of the bipolar supporter within such a relationship offers many of its own challenges that require one to make either some difficult decisions, or attempt to help keep stability by allowing some “bending” of expectations that may not typically be quite as flexible. Unfortunately, where there is an attempt to make things easier, there may also be a hidden consequence of others areas becoming much more difficult or even invite new challenges that were never expected.

Although my wife would in some cases label me as, “strict but fair” or “unmovable” in my thinking or life management, even I succumb to letting certain things slide where if in any other situation, I would squash in a heartbeat. Case in point, as loyal visitors and readers may have noticed, the site played a disappearing act for just under a month, without any warning as to its falling off the face of the Earth.

There was a point where the writings shared on the site was reaching an overwhelmingly broad range of attention. The ideas and offerings were expanding out to a level where the site saw on average, 200 new visitors a day, and I was building a stronger feeling of community stemming from those participating in comments, emails and tweets. The dream I had of being able to help others was slowly but surely becoming a true reality.

As bipolar disorder will do, the time to play a horrible mind game against my wife came during what was to be a time of reflection and positivity. When the episode hit, the shock wave that resulted drove me to make the decision to bow out of just about everything I was doing with TheBipolarSpouse.com project. The site came down, Twitter was deleted, Facebook was deactivated and that was the end of everything my wife and I had worked on as it related to the site.

When we talk about those suffering from bipolar disorder, either from being directly afflicted or those sitting on the sidelines, it’s crucial that we respect the fact that this disorder does indeed affect us all. Although the episodes can deliver intense bouts of irrationality, the heat of the moment allows us, all of us, to view the slightest bit of truth and simply run with it, even if that perceived truth is the most irrational point of the entire episode.

As my wife’s supporter, I have identified my own “process” of crisis management that, during the time of making the executive decision, I sometimes end up becoming irrational myself in attempting to attack the situation with a bit of reverse psychology, if you will. My first priority is to essentially do whatever it takes to diffuse the issue as fast as humanly possibly, even if that jeopardizes my own need to be true to myself. I become machine-like and remove my emotions from the situation and focus only on my wife and whatever steps I feel that I need to take to help her find stability.

My traits of being “strict” or “unmovable” also go right out the window and when the heat finally blows over, we’ve both realized that all I’ve truly done is enabled my wife to not only let her own irrationalities to take over, but I also allow them to move me enough to go against my own character…just to feel like I’ve lost the battle myself. Only after I’ve made the drastic decisions to walk away from my own desires and beliefs do I realize what has happened (since my priority was to ensure my wife is comfortable and stable again), and I’m left to lick my own wounds and see the consequences in hind-sight.

All the while, the true…rational thoughts that my wife had the entire time was that the project never actually be affected, although the episode did force her to attack it, and I now work to rebuild the fallen and cracked foundation that we had worked on so hard to build up in the first place. Along with not only the technical and structural rebuilding of the site, I now struggle with rebuilding the integrity and reliability that I had worked on to provide for the site’s loyalists and to those that I am wishing to help.

Twofold, this post is to serve as firstly, an explanation and apology to those that have stuck with me since day one and, also to illustrate that the power of bipolar irrationality can truly break through just about any line of defense. Perhaps another take-away would be to ensure that we, as supporters and sufferers alike, ground our beliefs and think twice before we end up not being true to ourselves.

If this is the first visit to discuss options with a psychiatrist, make as much of an effort as possible to be there with your loved one as a supporter, as the information that will be offered is extremely valuable. Keep in mind that this event may be very uncomfortable, however, when it comes to bipolar disorder, this is a very positive step in managing the disorder and overall recovery.

What to Expect
The first interaction with a psychiatrist, as mentioned, may be a tense and nerve-racking experience as the goal of the session is to gain some understanding and history about your loved one. This may include asking for details of their life that would normally be suppressed and not brought up in normal discussion, but it is imperative to share as much information as possible with the psychiatrist in order for him/her to make the correct connections and establish the proper course of action.

If your loved one opens up and does offer some details that may be difficult to absorb as a supporter, it is absolutely critical to keep in mind that this is not a time for judging or criticism. Also, as a supporter, do not assume that you may even be invited into the discussion as this is a time for the sufferer and the psychiatrist to connect. You may be asked for some input, but do not step in and push anything into the session that has not been explicitly asked for.

More than likely, the session will be directed in as much of a chronological fashion as possible, so it is very important that the focus is not on one particular scenario, or in the ‘right now’ frame of mind. Again, history plays a very large part of the diagnosis so try to keep going in an accurate order of events.

Feedback Phase
When the main sharing phase of the appointment is complete, there should be a time now directed by the psychiatrist that will include some possible question and answer discussion to fill any gaps and clarify any possible misunderstandings. Once this is done, the psychiatrist should be ready to offer feedback that will drive the decisions on making the final diagnosis.

The feedback received may offer some mixed emotions including anger, frustration and confusion or it may offer some long awaited relief and some clarity to finally have some answers. Sometimes, there are challenges and situations that are simply difficult to explain, unless you have such a deep education and understanding of the bio-psychosocial model yourself, that even the basic explanations of the diagnosis may provide such an ‘ah-ha’ moment, that an immediate wave of understanding and acceptance may overtake the sufferer and supporter.

Diagnosis
Once feedback has been provided, and any other questions or voluntary sharing is on the table, a diagnosis may be made and next steps can finally be discussed. At this time, the emotional priority should be aimed toward the sufferer as, after all, this is for them and how to recover and enhance their own life and overall well-being. As a supporter, it is also critical to absorb as much information as possible at this point as although there is now professional care applied, the role of the supporter is not made by appointment only. You will be there for your loved one on a constant basis so you must understand as much as you can in order to help bring the plans and support into play and keep some consistency going as well.

Real World – Our Scenario
After my wife experienced suicidal thoughts while in a recent depressive phase, we contacted the Emergency Room and was put into contact with a local counselor to calm the situation down and make any needed decisions as far as admitting her into a mental health hospital. After an hour of calming discussion, she made the determination that we did not need to have her admitted, but it would be critical to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible.

We called several different locations trying to get in and as booked as they all were, we ended up settling for making an appointment for the next month as that was the earliest time we could find. With self-support and my own efforts, we were able to ensure that my wife was stable enough to wait out the month, but was ready to call the ER or mental health hospital at a moment’s notice.

The day finally came and we made our way to the office. My wife as a bit anxious and nervous but we felt that we were definitely on the right path although we were starting over again with a new psychiatrist. She filled out the necessary paperwork and we were ready to be seen.

We were called back and asked to simply relax and sit on the couch. Our psychiatrist was very professional and strict at the same time. As my wife’s supporter, I made it known that I was able to talk when needed, yet, he made it well known that he wanted all of the conversation to come from my wife, and I could jump in when invited. I agreed and melted off as a spectator and observer ready to learn what I could.

The discussion quickly became intense as he asked the questions that were dying to be asked. Critical events and feelings were brought up and although there was some discomfort, the information was well received and was positive in helping the psychiatrist develop a useful and accurate diagnosis. When the discussion was complete, he informed us that he was ready to provide feedback unless there was anything else my wife wanted to share.

He very professionally and confidently started mapping out what he was able to identify as my wife’s main challenges and issues that we needed to focus on. In a matter of spending thirty minutes or so learning as much as he could about my wife, it was almost surreal for him to explain in such detail, a diagnosis and summary of exactly what she has been presenting within the relationship for so many years. The explanations were extremely useful and provided us both with such a clear view of not only what was going on, but why these issues existed and how to look around them to see the real issues causing such anxieties and emotions.

After walking out of the session and knowing where we stood with her bipolar disorder, it was truly refreshing to have such a different outlook on how we could work together on her recovery and well-being. We would have not been able to reach such a feeling of peace about the situation unless we had such an experience with the correct help. More than likely, without support in ensuring her appointment was made and kept, the strength of bipolar disorder would have prevented her from making such a positive step forward. As supporters, it is imperative that we are there for our loved ones and making sure that they do not give up on themselves.